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the cost, being independient, job advantajes

the cost, being independient, job advantajes 26QWj
The number of young people getting involved in overseas trips is increasing significantly. While some people claim that they are just wasting their time and money by visiting foreign countries. Some people think that traveling abroad costs students a great deal of money and time. Traveling abroad is indeed quite expensive. Also, overseas trips require a lot of time which could have been used for their work or study. However, in many aspects, it is also beneficial for young people to travel abroad. Firstly, it would broaden their mind. Young people can see a world different from their motherland, which helps them to think the world in various ways. Secondly, when they go abroad, they would be able to experience a different culture. It helps them to break stereotypes about foreign countries, which, at the same time, enables them to think independently. Working abroad can improve one’s language skills, which can come in handy if you apply for a job later. Moreover, you meet many different and interesting people, which can give you new opinions or even support you to do business In conclusion, while foreign travel requires a lot of time and involves high cost, the benefits gained from these trips are worth the time and money.
The number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting involved in overseas trips is increasing
significantly
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money by visiting foreign countries.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
costs students a great deal of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Traveling
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abroad
is
indeed
quite expensive.
Also
, overseas trips require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for their work or study.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects, it is
also
beneficial for young
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people
to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
Firstly
, it would broaden their mind. Young
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people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their motherland, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the world in various ways.
Secondly
, when they go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they would be able to experience a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to break stereotypes about foreign countries, which, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
.

Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one’s language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy if you apply for a job later.
Moreover
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which can give you new opinions or even support you to do business

In conclusion
, while foreign travel requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and involves high cost, the benefits gained from these trips are worth the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.
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IELTS essay the cost, being independient, job advantajes

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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