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Some people say that a count ry s traditional music is more important than music from other countries. Others, howe ver, say that music that is pop ular all over the world is clearly more important than traditional music. D iscuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that a count ry s traditional music is more important than music from other countries. Others, howe ver, say that music that is pop ular all over the world is clearly more important than traditional music. D iscuss both views and give your own opinion. MBWAp
Each country has its own tradition and culture that make it unique in this world. Music can be said to be a part of tradition and culture. In this modern world, it becomes very easy to be dominated by other country's cultures. We should keep abreast with the modern world. At the same time, we should try to preserve our tradition. That is why we should value our traditional music even though it is not the type of music that most of the young people like. Some young people who are interested in traditional music should be encouraged and supported as much as we can. Moreover, there is a kind of music that has recently become popular. It is K-pop. Some say that music popular all over the world is more important than traditional music. It can be true in some degree. During twenty first century, the world cannot be ruled by hard power but it can be with soft power. We should be up-to-date with popular music and we should upgrade our traditional one without losing its original properties because music is one of the soft powers. So we should try to keep in touch with the world as well as preserve our traditional music.
Each country has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition and culture that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it unique in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
can
be said
to be a part of tradition and culture. In this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
be dominated
by other country's cultures. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast with the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. At the same time, we should try to preserve our tradition.
That is
why we should value our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
even though
it is not the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be encouraged
and supported as much as we can.

Moreover
, there is a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that has recently become popular. It is K-pop.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
popular all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It can be true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree. During twenty
first
century, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cannot
be ruled
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be with soft power. We should be up-to-date with popular
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
we should upgrade our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
one without losing its original properties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the soft powers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as well
as preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.

IELTS essay Some people say that a count ry s traditional music is more important than music from other countries. Others, howe ver, say that music that is pop ular all over the world is clearly more important than traditional music. D iscuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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