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The connection between the quantity of money and happiness

The connection between the quantity of money and happiness NW6Em
Money has the role to offer culture and to be necessary for living. Nevertheless, is the quantity of money important to be happy? To start with, the biggest part of salary must go for survival, for example for buying food and providing for the family. Owing to this, It’s not the money value that matters, but it’s what you do with it. If we thought the money makes happiness, how could we know the loaded people are really happy?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
has the role to offer culture and to be necessary for living.
Nevertheless
, is the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be happy?

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the biggest part of salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go for survival,
for example
for buying food and providing for the family. Owing to this, It’s not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
value that matters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s what you do with it. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
happiness, how could we know the loaded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
really
happy?
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IELTS essay The connection between the quantity of money and happiness

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
79 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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