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Technological advances have reduced real communication between people?

Technological advances have reduced real communication between people? Mw8Ja
Technological advances have reduced real communication between people? In the last 20 years, technology has evolved changing the way humans intercommunicate. Furthermore, there have been constant innovations in several fields; hardware, with mobile phones like iPhone, software with instant messaging applications, like WhatsApp and network like 5G. As a result, we live in a deeply interconnected world. But is real communication been diminished? On the one hand, digital advances allow people to stay in permanent contact with their family and friends. Moreover, they share their experiences no matter how far they live, or how busy their lives are. As an example, in the world, 1 billion messages are sent using WhatsApp every day. On the other hand, real communications have been reduced, because of the time most of us dedicate to generating and broadcasting content on our digital devices. In addition, the so-called digital world has become more important than the real one, mainly the people born in the digital age. As a result, this generation is losing interpersonal skills. In my opinion, technology has provided humans with tools to be better connected, but society must rediscover the relevance of personal contact.
Technological advances have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
communication between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
? In the last 20 years, technology has evolved changing the way humans intercommunicate.
Furthermore
, there have been constant innovations in several fields; hardware, with mobile phones like iPhone, software with instant messaging applications, like WhatsApp and network like 5G.
As a result
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
deeply
interconnected world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
communication
been diminished
?

On the one hand, digital advances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay in permanent contact with their family and friends.
Moreover
, they share their experiences no matter how far they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, or how busy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are. As an example, in the world, 1 billion messages are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
using WhatsApp every day.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
communications have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the time most of us dedicate to generating and broadcasting content on our digital devices.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called digital world has become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
one,
mainly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
born in the digital age.
As a result
, this generation is losing interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In my opinion, technology has provided humans with tools to be better connected,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
rediscover the relevance of personal contact.
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IELTS essay Technological advances have reduced real communication between people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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