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the claim that animals have "right" has been the subject to much debate since 1970s

the claim that animals have "right" has been the subject to much debate since 1970s NMOj2
Every living bring has the right to live freely in this world. Similarly, people are debate about animals right as a essential topic. some people, including myself believes that zoos are helping to animals with numerous types work. I will elaborate the reasons and solution in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the biggest reason of this debate is hurting the animals, It used to happen in some circuses, But recently government has banned it. the zoos are quite safe place for animals, as because every zoos provide food facility to them. it is a beneficial point as they will not die to hungry. But they can die in forest which reason is starving. Moreover, if animal lives in wild and they injured by some happened. Then it can affected by toxic disease. However, in zoo also provide the medical facility to them, which is profitable to them as live life long. Secondly, the zoos are also advantageous for people, because the entertainment put in front of them as well as they can take knowledge about different types of animals.
Every living bring has the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
freely
in this world.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are debate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
right as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
essential topic.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including myself believes that zoos are helping to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with numerous types work. I will elaborate the reasons and solution in upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, the biggest reason of this debate is hurting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to happen in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circuses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has banned it. the zoos are quite safe place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "zoo"?
zoos
provide food facility to them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is a beneficial point as they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
to hungry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in forest which reason is starving.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wild and
they injured by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
happened. Then it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affected
by toxic disease.
However
, in zoo
also
provide the medical facility to them, which is profitable to them as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life long.
Secondly
, the zoos are
also
advantageous for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the entertainment put in front of them
as well
as they can take knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay the claim that animals have "right" has been the subject to much debate since 1970s

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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