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The charts below show that what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. v.1

The charts below show that what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. v. 1
Nowadays, Most of the countries are inviting the skilled workers to do jobs in the different industries. If the rich countries allow the individuals from the poor countries, then it would be helpful to the people who are suffering with lack of jobs even though they have good knowledge. Better living conditions and job openings are playing a major role to people to move the present country. I can agree with the consent with the rich countries should allow designated candidates from the poor countries. Despite of, there are negligible drawbacks, I will explain the reasons to agree based on my knowledge and experience. There is a two way benefit between the two countries. Firstly, if we take the wealthy countries, Due to the distinguished technicians the country products will become popular. So that the country can lead the world in distinct areas such as Education, Industrial, Information technology and the tourism. Because of the immigrants who came from the eminent departments, the inviting country students will become more knowledgeable. In fact the tourism will improve with the visitors and revenue will increase with ta payers. For instance, The country Canada has been inviting the more skilled people to stay and work. With effect of this, Canada now grows rapidly in the Education and the technology. Coming to the other side, the source country also has benefits and drawbacks due to this activity. The good part is, The people who earn in the other countries will make investments in their mother country as well. But the disadvantage is all the educated and skilled technicians leaves the country, then there is an impact on the parent country. There may be chance to decrease the quality of ideas development in the different sectors. And it would be effective for the coming generations. For example, There are a couple of surveys saying most of the Indians are looking for other countries due to lack of opportunities and no proper encouragement. In conclusion, There is a good and bad in this approach. There is a limit for everything. If there is a balance between the people moving out of the country and the persons staying in the country, then there is no impact on both countries.
Nowadays, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are inviting the skilled workers to do jobs in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries. If the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the individuals from the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, then it would be helpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering with lack of jobs
even though
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge. Better living conditions and job openings are playing a major role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the consent with the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
designated candidates from the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
, there are negligible drawbacks, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
based on my knowledge and experience.

There is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
two way
benefit between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, if we take the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, Due to the distinguished technicians the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
products will become popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can lead the world in distinct areas such as Education, Industrial, Information technology and the tourism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the immigrants who came from the eminent departments, the inviting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
students will become more knowledgeable. In fact the tourism will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
with the visitors and revenue will increase with ta payers.
For instance
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Canada has been inviting the more skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay and work. With effect of this, Canada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
grows
rapidly
in the Education and the technology.

Coming to the other side, the source
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
has benefits and drawbacks due to this activity. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
part is, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who earn in the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
investments in their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the disadvantage is all the educated and skilled technicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, then there is an impact on the parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There may be chance to decrease the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
development in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors. And it would be effective for the coming generations.
For example
, There are a couple of surveys saying most of the Indians are looking for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to lack of opportunities and no proper encouragement.

In conclusion
, There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in this approach. There is a limit for everything. If there is a balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the persons staying in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, then there is no impact on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below show that what UK graduate and postgraduates students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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