Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar chart below shows percentage of adults of different age groups inthe UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006 v.1

The bar chart below shows percentage of adults of different age groups inthe UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006 v. 1
Whether television is a gift or a curse has been a controversial topic since innovation until recent days. It is well known about television supremacy over many peoples’ free time, and it can make people lazy and strains them from socializing with their peers or relatives. In this essay, I will show why I strongly agree with this notion. On the one hand, television distracts people from health exercises. Because television is amusing and considered as a time-killer, people often forget to have their daily exercise, accordingly, the obesity rate increases. Moreover, the TV set is not only increasing obesity among people, but also has a negative effect on muscles and blood pressure; because of the poor diet of convenience food while watching television. According to a recent report by the red-cross organization in 2018, obesity or inadequate development and cardiovascular disease rate is over 70% of people who spend all night watching television programs. Furthermore, television negatively affects society-integral skills among people. Although the family can assemble in the same house watching a TV set, television addiction has a detrimental effect on peoples’ interaction with the span of relatives, peers, and neighbours. Due to the captivating leisure of television, people cannot flee from movies or series, therefore, their communication with the outside community declines slowly. According to a new survey by the EGYPTIAN supreme national committee of multimedia, the tendency to become isolated people increases among those who spend their free time watching television. To conclude, the TV set distracts people from looking after their health and diet, while also increases the tendency to switch to solitary people, due to lack of interaction with others. If people pay more attention to their free time usage, they would be more fitting. Because of the above-mentioned reasons, I withstand the notion that television has more detrimental effects on our lifestyle.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a gift or a curse has been a controversial topic since innovation until recent days. It is well known about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
supremacy over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
free time, and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and strains them from socializing with their peers or relatives. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from health exercises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is amusing and considered as a time-killer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget to have their daily exercise,
accordingly
, the obesity rate increases.
Moreover
, the TV set is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increasing obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on muscles and blood pressure;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the poor diet of convenience food while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. According to a recent report by the red-cross organization in 2018, obesity or inadequate development and cardiovascular disease rate is over 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend all night watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
negatively
affects society-integral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although the family can assemble in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
watching a TV set,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
addiction has a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
interaction with the span of relatives, peers, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. Due to the captivating leisure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot flee from movies or series,
therefore
, their communication with the outside community declines
slowly
. According to a new survey by the EGYPTIAN supreme national committee of multimedia, the tendency to become isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
increases
among those who spend their free time watching television.

To conclude
, the TV set distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from looking after their health and diet, while
also
increases the tendency to switch to solitary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, due to lack of interaction with others. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention to their free time usage, they would be more fitting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the above-mentioned reasons, I withstand the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has more detrimental effects on our lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows percentage of adults of different age groups inthe UK who used the Internet every day from 2003-2006 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts