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The chart below show the UK and USA energy consumption in 2000 and 2006 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The chart below show the UK and USA energy consumption in 2000 and 2006
While schools used to be basis only teachers, and did not use any gadget in the classrooms, the recent decades have seen a rise in utilization student's personal laptops in their educational course, which school’s insistence on this issue, has caused incentives for students. However, it perhaps seems a gratuitous content in their studies. A few present-day schools demand that all understudies have their possess laptops in the lesson to help with their instruction which this may be a complex way of teaching. It is possible some students do not know how to use desktop computer that this problem may postpone their learning process, and make them disappointed. Furthermore, their education might be seriously damaged. Moreover, maybe they are from a poor family, and do not have the budget to buy a minicomputer. Consequently, it puts a lot of pressure on both parents and students, which may have dire consequences for the student. Despite this procedure might be a superfluous complicated method, it would be a merit to students’ instruction. Firstly, the use of a desktop computer makes it possible to take the course with the latest methods in the world, and pragmatical procedures and articles can be used in their studies. Secondly, with a minicomputer, each lesson can be simulated in a completely pragmatical way with examples for students so that they can better understand the lesson and learn much more quickly. Finally, working persistently with a laptop can help them in their future college years. Whereas schools utilized to be a premise as it were instructors, and did not utilize any contraption within the classrooms, the later decades have seen an increment in utilization student's individual laptops in their course, which schools’ request on this issue, has caused motivations for understudies. In any case, it maybe appears a disposable substance in their considers.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be basis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teachers, and did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any gadget in the classrooms, the recent decades have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise in utilization student's personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
in their educational course, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
insistence on this issue, has caused incentives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, it perhaps seems a gratuitous content in their studies.

A few present-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
demand that all understudies have their possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
in the lesson to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with their instruction which this may be a complex way of teaching. It is possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
desktop computer that this problem may postpone their learning process, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them disappointed.
Furthermore
, their education might be
seriously
damaged.
Moreover
, maybe they are from a poor family, and do not have the budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a minicomputer.
Consequently
, it puts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure on both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which may have dire consequences for the student.

Despite this procedure might be a
Make sure that the adjective 'superfluous' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'complicated'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
superfluous complicated
method, it would be a merit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
instruction.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a desktop computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible to take the course with the latest methods in the world, and pragmatical procedures and articles can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in their studies.
Secondly
, with a minicomputer, each lesson can
be simulated
in a completely pragmatical way with examples for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can better understand the lesson and learn much more
quickly
.
Finally
, working
persistently
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future college years.

Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
utilized to be a premise as it were instructors, and did not utilize any contraption within the classrooms, the later decades have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an increment in utilization student's individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
in their course, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools’
request on this issue, has caused motivations for understudies. In any case, it maybe appears a disposable substance in their considers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below show the UK and USA energy consumption in 2000 and 2006

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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