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The flowchart illustrates the production of coloured plastic paper clips in a small factory Write a report for a university tutor describing the production process v.1

The flowchart illustrates the production of coloured plastic paper clips in a small factory Write a report for a university tutor describing the production process v. 1
Controlling the behaviour of children should be a concern for every parent's responsibility, while others said that they could behave by their own way. However, both very topical debates will be discussed deeply before a rational conclusion. The proponent of educating the character in a young age for children is extremely important for their future. First and foremost, they do not aware anything else around them in their early age. It is highlighted that they need intense guide of the parents to teach them on how to behave. For instance, if they make some mistakes to another, they have to apologize and admit it. Furthermore, the youngster also prefer to do funny thing instead of a serious matter, then they could not differ between good and bad behaviour. It can be seen that they like to do what they like without knowing the effects. Therefore, giving education on behaviour by parents is a crucial thing to build a good personality for themselves. On the other hand, the opponents of this perspective assert that the teenagers have the right to get freedom in the beginning. Firstly, some parents think that the time for letting them understand on behaviour is not in the adolescent timing. Yet, it could be a right time to educate them when they become an adult. It would lead the children to quickly understand on what they should learn. Moreover, this kind of parents also assumed that no need to strictly teach them about a tough matter, since, they could only think of silly things. Preferring onto playing time would take much more attention, for example, conversely, getting something boring including advise could be avoided by them. By means that a control of children's behaviour could be started after becoming mature person. By way of conclusion, a deep supervising and educating from parents are the pivotal elements to assure a good behaviour of the adolescent, yet, some people prefer to start it when they become mature person. As I would state that the learning could begin in the early age with the proper steps, thereby they would be familiar and do it habitually.
Controlling the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of children should be a concern for every parent's responsibility, while others said that they could behave by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
However
, both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical debates will
be discussed
deeply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a rational conclusion.

The proponent of educating the character in a young age for children is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their future.
First
and foremost, they do not aware anything else around them in their early age. It
is highlighted
that they need intense guide of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach them on how to behave.
For instance
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mistakes to another, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
apologize and admit it.
Furthermore
, the youngster
also
prefer to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
thing
instead
of a serious matter, then they could not differ between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that they like to do what they like without knowing the effects.
Therefore
, giving education on
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a crucial thing to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality for themselves.

On the other hand
, the opponents of this perspective assert that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
freedom in the beginning.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the time for letting them understand on
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is not in the adolescent timing.
Yet
, it could be a right time to educate them when they become an adult. It would lead the children to
quickly
understand on what they should learn.
Moreover
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
assumed that no need to
strictly
teach them about a tough matter, since, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of silly things. Preferring onto playing time would take much more attention,
for example
,
conversely
, getting something boring including advise could
be avoided
by them. By means that a control of children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
after becoming mature person.

By way of conclusion, a deep supervising and educating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the pivotal elements to assure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the adolescent,
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
it when they become mature person. As I would state that the learning could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
in the early age with the proper steps, thereby they would be familiar and do it
habitually
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The flowchart illustrates the production of coloured plastic paper clips in a small factory Write a report for a university tutor describing the production process v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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