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The chart below show the percentage of female and male teachers in six different types of educational setting in UK in 2010. v.1

The chart below show the percentage of female and male teachers in six different types of educational setting in UK in 2010. v. 1
Some people think that accepting an awful condition like lack of job satisfaction and scarcity of income is pivotal. However, others believe that it is significant to take appropriate measures against the problematic conditions. This essay will highlight both points of views and express an opinion at the end. On the one hand, it could be argued that most of the people prefer to stay unfavourable situations because they would afraid to change the jobs. The new jobs might not guarantee the satisfaction and security. Secondly, the lack of job opportunities in a country compels them to do the same tasks. Although the teenagers who graduate from a university have enough knowledge and qualifications, they do not acquire better tasks with satisfactory money. This is because competitions has increased rapidly among the citizens. Therefore, they prefer to execute performance in an office for paying house rents rather than staying in a room. As a result, they are encountered with work pressure, stress and depression. In contrast, many people argue that it is necessary to stop working, where they could not find joy, reward and better salary as per their tasks. For instance, my neighbour is financially unstable to afford the educational fee of their juveniles, but with the hard efforts of her daughter, she gets scholarship at the renowned university. Now, she is a doctor and earn enough money. With her hard try, she is able to maintain her family standards of living. Likewise, the governments should be launched a plethora of industries, companies throughout the nation in order to provide employment opportunities. Similarly, the salaries should be grown of every worker and encourage them to select a career according to their interests. This would help them to build confidence as well as interest in the workplace. In conclusion, despite the several citizens are ready to perform in a critical situation without getting enough revenue and feeling of overjoyed, it is not the better options. In my opinion, in order to tackle such issues, appropriate measures like rising job opportunities, rewarding to the staffs should be done.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that accepting an awful condition like lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and scarcity of income is pivotal.
However
, others believe that it is significant to take appropriate measures against the problematic conditions. This essay will highlight both points of views and express an opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to stay
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would afraid
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
might not guarantee the satisfaction and security.
Secondly
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in a country compels them to do the same tasks. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who graduate from a university have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and qualifications, they do not acquire better tasks with satisfactory money. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
competitions has increased
rapidly
among the citizens.
Therefore
, they prefer to execute performance in an office for paying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rents
rather
than staying in a room.
As a result
, they
are encountered
with work pressure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working, where they could not find joy, reward and better salary as per their tasks.
For instance
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
is
financially
unstable to afford the educational fee of their juveniles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
efforts of her daughter, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
scholarship at the renowned university.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she is a doctor and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money. With her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
try, she is able to maintain her family standards of living.
Likewise
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
be launched
a plethora of industries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
throughout the nation in order to provide employment opportunities.
Similarly
, the salaries should
be grown
of every worker and encourage them to select a career according to their interests. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build confidence
as well
as interest in the workplace.

In conclusion
, despite the several citizens are ready to perform in a critical situation without getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
revenue and feeling of overjoyed, it is not the better options. In my opinion, in order to tackle such issues, appropriate measures like rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, rewarding to the staffs should
be done
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below show the percentage of female and male teachers in six different types of educational setting in UK in 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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