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The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. v.1

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. v. 1
Travelling nowadays is more convenient and efficient as compared to the past. Therefore, it forces more people to travel from one place to another in no time. Although, this trend is recorded highest to this date, but we can foresee further growth due to its countless benefits. This essay will analyse this scenario using examples of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims. Firstly, with the improved mode of transportation, it makes our journeys easier and nowadays people don't think so much before travelling. Furthermore, modern transportation is more comfortable than vehicles of the past which also impact the decision of people to move from one place to another. For example, Oxford University in 2015 conducted a research on the growing trend of people coming to their workplaces daily from rural areas and found out that technology is the sole responsible factor in the increase of people on the wheel. So, it is clear that today's public trend towards journey is more relaxed as compared to the past. Secondly, people opt for travelling because of its twofold benefits. The first reason is its convenience as transportation is equipped today with more gadgets like a cassette player, which makes our journey easier. Also, the second reason which forces more people on the road is its convenience in terms of money and time. For instance, Time Magazine in 2018 surveyed 2000 different people of multiple trades and come to the conclusion that people now prefer to travel more because it is no more difficult and also it’s now inexpensive as compared to the past. So, from this example, we can easily idealize the benefits of moving from one place to another. To conclude, advancement in technology is the main reason which gravitates people on the road. And people find this improvement of science relaxing and efficient in terms of reaching any destination. In the future, as the technology is improving, we can predict that more people will opt to travel by road because of its countless benefits.
Travelling nowadays is more convenient and efficient as compared to the past.
Therefore
, it forces more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel from one place to another in no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although, this trend
is recorded
highest to this date,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can foresee
further
growth due to its countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this scenario using examples of Oxford University research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
Magazine survey to demonstrate points and support claims.

Firstly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
mode of transportation, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our journeys easier and nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
travelling.
Furthermore
, modern transportation is more comfortable than vehicles of the past which
also
impact the decision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another.
For example
, Oxford University in 2015 conducted
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on the growing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming to their workplaces daily from rural areas and found out that technology is the sole responsible factor in the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the wheel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's public trend towards journey is more relaxed as compared to the past.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its twofold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. The
first
reason is its convenience as transportation
is equipped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
with more gadgets like a cassette player, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our journey easier.
Also
, the second reason which forces more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the road is its convenience in terms of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
Magazine in 2018 surveyed 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of multiple trades and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to travel more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is no more difficult and
also
it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
inexpensive as compared to the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from this example, we can
easily
idealize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of moving from one place to another.

To conclude
, advancement in technology is the main reason which gravitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the road. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find this improvement of science relaxing and efficient in terms of reaching any destination. In the future, as the technology is improving, we can predict that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will opt to travel by road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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