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the chart below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit. v.1

the chart below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit. v. 1
It is often observed that athletes nowadays is becoming famous not only in the battlefield, but also on commercials. As we can see, sport players are now often being a representative of one brand because of the consumer behaviour that tend to trust brand more when it is influenced by similar faces. This essay will discuss about the advantage and disadvantage of athletes becoming the ambassador of a brand. To begin with, I agree that being a model in one advertisement could bring more benefit than only focusing themselves in one job, that are sport players. Talking about the money, being a representative face in one advertisement surely brings a big value of cash for the athletes. Not only bring advantages for the athletes, for the company, brand usually picks one ambassador, which really align with the product usage and the brand communication. For example, we can see Christiano Ronaldo appeared on NIKE commercial video. A storyline in the video represented NIKE shoes as a suitable product for soccer players. Christiano Ronaldo did the endorsement of the product looks genuine. It succeeds increasing sales and NIKE brand awareness. In contrast, the over-commercialization of the athletes could bring distraction for them in the game play. In other words, they might feel devastate with their side-jobs as a model and being unfocused with any important match they have to put their best effort on. This commercialism could bring a "boomerang" for the club. The conclusion is, the advertisement of sport players is good for the sport industry, both for the athletes, the brand, and also the club, but may be dangerous for the athletes in becoming tired and lose excitement for the game. To minimize its disadvantage, the coach can look after the players and make sure they have good stamina before every match.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
nowadays is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the battlefield,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on commercials. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
being a representative of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the consumer
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that tend to trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
more when it
is influenced
by similar faces. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
advantage and disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
becoming the ambassador of a brand.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that being a model in one advertisement could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
more benefit than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing themselves in one job, that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. Talking about the money, being a representative face in one advertisement
surely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
value of cash for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
advantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
usually
picks one ambassador, which
really
align with the product usage and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
communication.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo appeared on NIKE commercial video. A storyline in the video represented NIKE shoes as a suitable product for soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo did the endorsement of the product looks genuine. It succeeds increasing sales and NIKE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
awareness.

In contrast
, the over-commercialization of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
distraction for them in the game play.
In other words
, they might feel devastate with their side-jobs as a model and
being unfocused
with any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
match they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put their best effort on. This commercialism could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
boomerang
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
for the club.

The conclusion is, the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
industry, both for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
, and
also
the club,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
in becoming tired and lose excitement for the game. To minimize its disadvantage, the coach can look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stamina
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
every match.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the chart below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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