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The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v.1

The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v. 1
In recent times, people tend to move from one country to another on various issues like education, immigration and for business purposes. Dwelling in a society whose language is quite different from our indigenous dialect could result to social unrest as well as pragmatic issues due to certain reasons; The Crux of this paper will be centred on some of these problems On the one hand, one of the challenges this can lead to is discrimination. The foreigner will find it difficult to communicate with the locals likewise the citizens of that country and this could lead to discrimination. The foreigner will be pushed to segregate him/herself from the other members of the country who are citizens. Children could also be driven to the point of being insecure. This can cause them to see themselves as weird as compared to other children. An illustration of this, is the recent Canada Express entry program which allows individuals from another country, with different mother tongue to relocate to Canada and integrate with its citizens. Research has it that most of these newcomers find it hard to settle in well, as language proves to be a great challenge. On the other hand, this social problem has been mitigated to its lowest minimum considering the advancement in technology. Now new individuals in a country can find their way around the country with the help of Google map on their mobile phones. Again, the online translator will also aid them to communicate efficiently. An example of this is the Google map which can aid one's movement from one place to another anywhere in the world. To sum up, there are social and practical challenges associated with immigrating to a country as it relates to dialect. However, technology advancement has reduced the effect this can have on a person. Although, it is predicted that in 10years to come, people will prefer to make friends with others who are from the same country with them; creating room for racism. Therefore, it is recommended that, the government should make rules that will require one to have knowledge of the basic language of the country intended to relocate to for easy communication.
In recent times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another on various issues like education, immigration and for business purposes. Dwelling in a society whose language is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from our indigenous dialect could result to social unrest
as well
as pragmatic issues due to certain reasons; The Crux of this paper will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'centred' is British English.
centred
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problems


On the one hand, one of the challenges this can lead to is discrimination. The foreigner will find it difficult to communicate with the locals
likewise
the citizens of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and this could lead to discrimination. The foreigner will
be pushed
to segregate him/herself from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who are citizens. Children could
also
be driven
to the point of being insecure. This can cause them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
themselves as weird as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children. An illustration of this, is the recent Canada Express entry program which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals from another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mother tongue to relocate to Canada and integrate with its citizens. Research has it that most of these newcomers find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to settle in well, as language proves to be a great challenge.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, this social problem has
been mitigated
to its lowest minimum considering the advancement in technology.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
new individuals in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can find their way around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of Google map on their mobile phones. Again, the online translator will
also
aid them to communicate
efficiently
. An example of this is the Google map which can aid one's movement from one place to another anywhere in the world.

To sum up, there are social and practical challenges associated with immigrating to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as it relates to dialect.
However
, technology advancement has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the effect this can have on a person. Although, it
is predicted
that in 10years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with others who are from the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with them; creating room for racism.
Therefore
, it
is recommended
that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that will require one to have knowledge of the basic language of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
intended to relocate to for easy communication.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below contains information provided by Australia's tertiary institutions about the percentage of male and female students who enrolled in different subjects in 1995. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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