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Music and other arts seem to be features of every society In what ways are music and other arts important for societies and for individuals v.1

Music and other arts seem to be features of every society In what ways are music and other arts important for societies and for individuals v. 1
Many countries in the world are facing not only an environmental issue, but also facing the population issue which in result will arise educational problems. It will become difficult to survive in a crowded world in coming years. Though, the government is taking measures for environmental problems, but others challenges cannot be ignored. The foremost problem arising is over population in the world because of which other problems, for example increase in living costs, unemployment and health will occur. For instance, in my country's citizen count is increasing rapidly and if it continues to expand at this rate then it will become hard for people to fulfil their basic needs. The government should make strict rules and regulations related to family planning likewise which other countries follow and provide awareness related to overcome population problems. Despite these problems, the other serious concern is nature problem. Depletion of natural resources will continue in the near future. Climate is changing at a high speed which affect glaciers & greenhouse gases. For these issues, all nations should come forward to reduce environmental problems by setting rules for all countries who is lacking behind to solve these problems. Recent studies show that India and China helped in making environment green by planting more trees. International organizations should promote solutions. To conclude, I believe that it is not only the government or authority's duties whose should take action or provide solutions, people should understand the concern areas and come forward to make a better future. It’s us who can build a good future or can make worse for coming generations. Regulation on family planning will help to overcome other problems also.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries in the world are facing not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an environmental issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
facing the population issue which in result will arise educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. It will become difficult to survive in a crowded world in coming years. Though, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is taking measures for environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others challenges cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

The foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
arising is over population in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
for example
increase in living costs, unemployment and health will occur.
For instance
, in my country's citizen count is increasing
rapidly
and if it continues to expand at this rate then it will become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fulfil their basic needs. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations related to family planning
likewise
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries follow and provide awareness related to overcome population problems.

Despite these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
serious concern is nature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Depletion of natural resources will continue in the near future. Climate is changing at a high speed which affect glaciers & greenhouse gases. For these issues, all nations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by setting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for all countries who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'countries' should be used.
is
lacking behind to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that India and China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in making environment green by planting more trees. International organizations should promote solutions.

To conclude
, I believe that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or authority's duties whose should take action or provide solutions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should understand the concern areas and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better future. It’s us who can build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future or can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
worse for coming generations. Regulation on family planning will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
also
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Music and other arts seem to be features of every society In what ways are music and other arts important for societies and for individuals v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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