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The causes and measures to overcome obesity among Malaysian children and teenagers

The causes and measures to overcome obesity among Malaysian children and teenagers NyLOj
Obesity has become a serious problem among Malaysian children and teenagers and measures should be taken to address this issue. According to the World Health Organization, obesity is a condition in which people have excessive body weight and the World Health Organization report shows that Malaysia has the highest number of overweight people among the ASEAN countries with fifty-five per cent being children and teenagers. According to data from the World Health Organization, these people have a higher risk of developing non-communicable diseases, and compared with people who are not obese, the age of death of these people may also be much younger. According to the report by the Malaysian Ministry of Health, Malaysians generally consume foods that are rich in sugar, salt and fat and less than 15 per cent of them exercise regularly. This has caused non-communicable diseases such as diabetes, coronary heart disease and high blood pressure to be rampant among Malaysians, even among children and teenagers. These are the groups of Malaysians who are the Internet Generation and they spend most of their precious time on electronic gadgets rather than cycling or exercising in the park. They sit for hours playing games and not doing any physical activity except for the movements of their fingers. This unhealthy activity can trigger physical ailments such as triggered or locked fingers, gastritis, lazy eyes and cold shoulder. A study conducted by the National Heart Institute in 2016 shows that eating unhealthy food among children and teenagers is a contributor to obesity. This can be seen by the food sold or served in local schools’ canteens which were mostly unhealthy. Unhealthy in this context means that the foods do not have the right balance in which they have excessive saturated fat, too little fibre and high salt or sugar content. In addition, they have no nutritional value and most of these foods contain calories that are not needed by our school children. As a result, many of our school children have consumed foods which are not balanced and healthy. That explains the reasons for the increasing number of obese children and teenagers. In view of the increasing number of obese children and teenagers, attractive advertisements on fast food, carbonated drinks and junk food can easily lure them into consuming non-nutritious food. Fast food offers high calories which exceed the needs of children, carbonated drinks offer high sugar which can cause diabetes and junk food contain colouring and flavouring that are harmful. In a study conducted by a researcher from Universiti Putra Malaysia in 2020, it was revealed that 55 per cent of children between four and seven years old would ask their parents to buy them fast food after seeing the advertisement on television or social media platforms. Even worse, most fast food usually comes in a combo of a snack and carbonated drink - you buy one you get all. To overcome obesity among children and teenagers, cooperation from all relevant parties is needed. Firstly, the Ministry of Education must ensure that foods served and sold at school canteens are nutritious and balanced. This can be done through the issuing of guidelines on food served to canteen operators. The Ministry must prohibit the selling of junk food in canteens and within the perimeter of the school. In doing this, school teachers or representatives from Parent-Teacher Association should be given the authority to prevent junk food from being sold to school children. Secondly, the Ministry of Health can do more aggressive and appealing campaigns on the importance of exercise. In addition, awareness of the dangers of obesity and non-communicable diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure must be aggressively instilled among children and teenagers. Other than that, initiatives such as cash or other rewards can also be given to schools that embrace healthy living and healthy culture practices and choosing clean food to be sold at their premises. Initiatives could be given so that school staff, teachers and students are motivated to regularly do these practices and therefore, a healthy lifestyle can be instilled among them. Thirdly, the Ministry of Communication and Multimedia should also monitor advertisements especially concerning fast food on platforms that are easily accessible to children and teenagers. Advertisements should be regulated so that children and teenagers are not exploited by them. The Code of conduct for advertisers should be reconsidered by the ministry. This is to ensure that advertisers are more accountable toward consumers and they should be fully aware of their social obligations rather than making huge profits. Finally, the public especially parents should play a more aggressive role in addressing the issue of obesity among their children by adopting and practising a healthy lifestyle. Family members should be engaged with more outdoor activities such as cycling, jogging and brisk walking. The choice is in our hands.
Obesity has become a serious problem among Malaysian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and measures should
be taken
to address this issue. According to the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization, obesity is a condition in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have excessive body weight and the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that Malaysia has the highest number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among the ASEAN countries with fifty-five per cent being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. According to data from the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing non-communicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, and compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not obese, the age of death of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
also
be much younger.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
According
to the report by the Malaysian Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
, Malaysians
generally
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that are rich in sugar, salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and less than 15 per cent of them exercise
regularly
. This has caused non-communicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as diabetes, coronary heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood pressure to be rampant among Malaysians, even among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. These are the groups of Malaysians who are the Internet
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Generation and
they spend most of their precious time on electronic gadgets
rather
than cycling or exercising in the park. They sit for hours playing games and not doing any physical activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the movements of their fingers. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
activity can trigger physical ailments such as triggered or locked fingers, gastritis, lazy eyes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
shoulder.

A study conducted by the National Heart Institute in 2016
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is a contributor to obesity. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sold or served in local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools’
canteens which were
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unhealthy
in this context means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
do not have the right balance in which they have excessive saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salt or sugar content.
In addition
, they have no nutritional value and most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain calories that are not needed by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which are not balanced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the reasons for the increasing number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In view of the increasing number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, carbonated drinks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
easily
lure them into consuming non-nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
calories which exceed the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, carbonated drinks offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
sugar which can cause diabetes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contain
Possible spelling mistake found.
colouring
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavouring' is British English.
flavouring
that are harmful. In a study conducted by a researcher from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Universiti
Possible spelling mistake found.
Putra
Malaysia in 2020, it
was revealed
that 55 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
between four and seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
would ask their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
after seeing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on television or social media platforms. Even worse, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in a combo of a snack and carbonated drink
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all.

To overcome obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, cooperation from all relevant parties
is needed
.
Firstly
, the Ministry of Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
served and sold at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
canteens are nutritious and balanced. This can
be done
through the issuing of guidelines on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
served to canteen operators. The Ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prohibit the selling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in canteens and within the perimeter of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers or representatives from Parent-Teacher Association should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from
being sold
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children.

Secondly
, the Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
can do more aggressive and appealing campaigns on the importance of exercise.
In addition
, awareness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of obesity and non-communicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as diabetes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
aggressively
instilled among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. Other than that, initiatives such as cash or other rewards can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
culture practices and choosing clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
be sold
at their premises. Initiatives could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
staff, teachers and students
are motivated
to
regularly
do these practices and
therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle can
be instilled
among them.

Thirdly
, the Ministry of Communication and Multimedia should
also
monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
especially
concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on platforms that are
easily
accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
should
be regulated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are not exploited by them. The Code of conduct for advertisers should
be reconsidered
by the ministry. This is to ensure that advertisers are more accountable toward
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
consumers and
they should be
fully
aware of their social obligations
rather
than making huge profits.

Finally
, the public
especially
parents should play a more aggressive role in addressing the issue of obesity among their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by adopting and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. Family members should
be engaged
with more outdoor activities such as cycling, jogging and brisk walking. The choice is in our hands.
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IELTS essay The causes and measures to overcome obesity among Malaysian children and teenagers

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
803 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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