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Some people think that physical health is more important for win sports

Some people think that physical health is more important for win sports PE53E
Although it is believed by some people that, mental strenght is more important for achieve best rank in sport, some people think that muscle health is more crucial for win in sports. This essay discuss both opinions and argue why physical health is more important as compare to mental health. Out of all argument, the strongest one to prove my view is that, mental strenght plays vital role not only in focus on goals but also give clear strategy to tackle opponent. In other words, some sports need only mental strenght such as chess, carrom and many more. In addition, if physical health is powerfull but mental health is not then players dose not win any games. This can be seen by the growing number of people in the Japan who pay attension in mental health for win games instead of physical fit. Despite of benefits, which mental health brought with us, muscle strenght is more crucial for many sports. First of all, majority of sports have required physical fitness to tackle oppnents. In other words, without muscle body oppornent players easily win the match. For example, this can be seen by the increasing number of people in the India who join gym for muscle body rather than mental health. To conclude, this essay acknowledges that, mental health is important for decide goals although physical strenght is usefull. I believe that physical health is more crucial out of both.
Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
A determiner is probably missing here: "achieve the best".
achieve best
rank in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is more crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
The verb 'discuss' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay discusses"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay discuss
both opinions and argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health.

Out of all argument, the strongest one to prove my view is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
plays vital role not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in focus on goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
strategy to tackle opponent.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
such as chess,
Possible spelling mistake found.
carrom
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
powerfull
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is not then players dose not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
any games. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the Japan who pay
Possible spelling mistake found.
attension
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
games
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fit.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
benefits, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
brought with us,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
is more crucial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness to tackle
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppnents
.
In other words
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
body
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppornent
players
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
the match.
For example
, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the India who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
gym for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
muscle
body
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health.

To conclude
, this essay acknowledges that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for decide goals although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is more crucial out of both.
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IELTS essay Some people think that physical health is more important for win sports

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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