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THE GRAPHS BELOW COMPARE THE AVERAGE WEEKLY EARNINGS OF MALE AND FEMALE GRADUATES AND NON GRADUATES v.1

THE GRAPHS BELOW COMPARE THE AVERAGE WEEKLY EARNINGS OF MALE AND FEMALE GRADUATES AND NON GRADUATES v. 1
Undoubtedly, technology has revolutionised the entire world by producing automatic machinery, therefore, nowadays tedious and complex work has become very simple and easy. However, there are lots of advantages and disadvantages of having too much automation. On the positive side, machines have brought a huge revolution in human life by escalating progress rate. In other words, as we know that in this technical era the speed of daily tasks and efficiency both have increased due to machines. Since, people have a better way of communicating such as vehicles, internet and so on, as a consequence, the work which was being done in days and months now can be completed in minutes and hours. To exemplify, in the past, when mechanization has not developed, the country progress and work speed utterly relied on human and animal muscle power, which took a long time, but now the speed of work has been boosted by machines. On the other side, although this automation and advancement has ushered various positive consequences in human life, it also has brought lots of stress in our entity. Because, people have become addicted to modern machines- cars, motorbikes and so on, perhaps due to having too much dependent. Thus, if today these machines are snatched from people, as a result, they could not survive. Besides, these machines are also putting a pernicious effect on people precious dexterity. The conclusion of the above discussion is that although the technology or machines have become a way of stress in human life, also have become an integral part of human life success, which is a sign of evolution. Therefore, the advantages of automatic machines are outweighed than disadvantages.
Undoubtedly
, technology has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the entire world by producing automatic machinery,
therefore
, nowadays tedious and complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple and easy.
However
, there are lots of advantages and disadvantages of having too much automation.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have brought a huge revolution in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by escalating progress rate.
In other words
, as we know that in this technical era the speed of daily tasks and efficiency both have increased due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a better way of communicating such as vehicles, internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, as a consequence, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which was
being done
in days and months
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
be completed
in minutes and hours. To exemplify, in the past, when mechanization has not developed, the country progress and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
speed
utterly
relied on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
and animal muscle power, which took a long time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has
been boosted
by machines.

On the other side, although this automation and advancement has ushered various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it
also
has brought lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in our entity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
addicted to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines-
cars, motorbikes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, perhaps due to having too much dependent.
Thus
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are snatched
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
as a result
, they could not survive.
Besides
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are
also
putting a pernicious effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
precious dexterity.

The conclusion of the above discussion is that although the technology or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
success, which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of evolution.
Therefore
, the advantages of automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are outweighed
than disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay THE GRAPHS BELOW COMPARE THE AVERAGE WEEKLY EARNINGS OF MALE AND FEMALE GRADUATES AND NON GRADUATES v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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