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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have o v.5

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have o v. 5
With the best economic and the quality of life ranks the prestigious position all over the world but the decrease in the birth rate quickly has been the most serious concern against developed countries. This trend jeopardizing the tenacious development and the prospective population size. On coming up against this problem, there are many solutions should be put forward to tackle as soon as possible. If the government of such countries carry on letting this trend move further, they have to witness the best degrade things. First, the population size is not controlled can lead to the shortage of labor intensive. And it is more terrible gradually when ex-workers retire and employers are not able to find the trained resources in order to fill in the space which ex-workers left anymore. As a result, these countries no longer guarantee supplying the high quality of life for inhabitants. Secondly, large as well as families throughout national land will not have those who have the capable of carrying on family name, which can cause the negative impact on keeping the marvelous preceding civilization. To prevent this trend from making every effort to be one of the integral part struggling against the prosperous country, the government must propose lots of direction to get the population size under control by anyway. They ought to hold conferences with the present of reproductive health exports who have enough the qualifications to give couples in child-bearing years advice about the miracle of having pregnancy. Moreover, they also take the volunteers to each house from the biggest urban to the outskirts so that they can talk to the great of importance to have babies. To sum up, due to the interrelationship between population and development, the government are attempting to restrict on the decrease in the birthrate.
With the best economic and the quality of life ranks the prestigious position all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the decrease in the birth rate
quickly
has been the most serious concern against developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This trend jeopardizing the tenacious development and the prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
size. On coming up against this problem, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions should
be put
forward to tackle as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
carry on letting this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
further
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
witness the best degrade things.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
size is not controlled can lead to the shortage of labor intensive. And it is more terrible
gradually
when ex-workers retire and employers are not able to find the trained resources in order to fill in the space which ex-workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
anymore.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
no longer guarantee supplying the high quality of life for inhabitants.
Secondly
, large
as well
as families throughout national land will not have those who have
The phrase 'the capable of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the capable of
carrying on family name, which can cause the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on keeping the marvelous preceding civilization.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this trend from making every effort to be one of the integral part struggling against the prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
propose lots of direction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
size under control by anyway. They ought to hold conferences with the present of reproductive health exports who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the qualifications to give couples in child-bearing years advice about the miracle of having pregnancy.
Moreover
, they
also
take the volunteers to each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
from the biggest urban to the outskirts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can talk to the great of importance to have babies.

To sum up, due to the interrelationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and development, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are attempting to restrict on the decrease in the birthrate.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have o v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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