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The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. v. 3
Many children are expected to join team sports to experience cooperation and gain the ability of how to cooperate with others. Although most of the people think that team sports is the best way to cultivate children’s cooperative abilities, I would argue that there are also some other activities including raising money for charity, cleaning the classroom, which can help kids to understand cooperation. Children are more likely to spend time with their buddies doing some sports together. But these children may not understand what the teamwork is. For example, football has been considered one of the best sports for the kid to play, but it just shows that playing football is a good way to relax and keep in shape. In addition, children who play football just want to play it by themselves and do not want to pass the ball to each. As a result, not only can playing football make these children exhausted, they can not learn the cooperative spirit from playing football as well. So these games may not be suitable for young children and they do not have enough ability to play. However, understanding cooperation can be obtained by doing some interesting activities which can be done easily by children. For instance, they may choose to work closely together with their peers to raise money for charity when their teachers ask them to do a little project. everyone can realize their own function by doing something which is suitable for them. They can see how teamwork can save time and achieve more compared with what they do on their own Another example is that children who are required to clean the classroom after school can be a good chance to learn teamwork. In order to finish the task, these children will be divided several groups and complete the allocated work including sweep floors, water floor, throw rubbish, etc. these simple thing can absolutely be done easily and they can also understand that cooperation can bring them many other things like time-saving and happiness. In conclusion, I do not agree that team sports are the best way to learn cooperation for children, there are so many simple things that can help children gain a better understanding of cooperation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and gain the ability of how to cooperate with others. Although most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the best way to cultivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cooperative abilities, I would argue that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other activities including raising money for charity, cleaning the classroom, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
kids to understand cooperation.

Children are more likely to spend time with their buddies doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not understand what the teamwork is.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
has
been considered
one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for the kid to play,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in shape.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to play it by themselves and do not want to pass the ball to each.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
exhausted, they can not learn the cooperative spirit from playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
these games may not be suitable for young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
ability to play.

However
, understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
can
be obtained
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting activities which can
be done
easily
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, they may choose to work
closely
together with their peers to raise money for charity when their teachers ask them to do a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
project.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
everyone
can realize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
function by doing something which is suitable for them. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how teamwork can save time and achieve more compared with what they do on their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
own


Another example is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are required
to clean the classroom after school can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to learn teamwork. In order to finish the task, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be divided
several groups and complete the allocated work including sweep floors, water floor, throw rubbish, etc. these simple thing can
absolutely
be done
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they can
also
understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
can bring them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things like time-saving and happiness.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the best way to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
simple things that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain a better understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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