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The benefits of computers in modern society far outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion?

The benefits of computers in modern society far outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion? lxL81
The use of computers in the modern world has resulted in changes in society. Some of these changes have been to the benefit of society, while others have not. I think that the usage of computers has far more advantages than disadvantages in modern life. On the one hand, computers are useful tools offering major benefits to people. Firstly, they enable machines to do dangerous work instead of humans. For example, in computerised car assembly factories, robots can perform difficult and dangerous work without stopping, whereas humans could suffer physical injuries if made to do difficult tasks for extended hours. Another advantage is that computers have improved the speed of data processing, helping scientists to further develop modern technology. This means that astronauts can go to into outer-space using computers to control the orbit of the spaceship, the timing of fuel injection and other vital calculations. Consequently, space travel is safer and more efficient. However, computers can be used in many negative ways in modern society. Firstly, when users input their private data, such as their name, address and date of birth, it is possible that this information could be taken and misused to commit fraud. For instance, a dishonest person could manufacture a false credit card using someone else’s stolen details. Another drawback of computers is that many people have lost their jobs as computers can shorten some processes usually done by humans, resulting in fewer workers being required. A good example is the banking industry in which many jobs have disappeared because of computer technology, such as ATMs and internet banking. To conclude, computers are being used extensively in many workplaces and for scientific applications and as a result, safety and efficiency has improved. However, computers can have an adverse impact on crime and employment. Despite these negative aspects, I believe that the benefits of using computers in contemporary society undoubtedly outweigh any drawbacks.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world has resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have been to the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, while others have not. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the usage of computers has far more advantages than disadvantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
life.

On the one hand, computers are useful tools offering major benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Firstly
, they enable machines to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
work
instead
of humans.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
car assembly factories, robots can perform difficult and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
work without stopping, whereas humans could suffer physical injuries if made to do difficult tasks for extended hours. Another advantage is that computers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the speed of data processing, helping scientists to
further
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology. This means that astronauts can go to into outer-space using computers to control the orbit of the spaceship, the timing of fuel injection and other vital calculations.
Consequently
, space travel is safer and more efficient.

However
, computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Firstly
, when users input their private data, such as their name, address and date of birth, it is possible that this information could
be taken
and misused to commit fraud.
For instance
, a dishonest person could manufacture a false credit card using someone else’s stolen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. Another drawback of computers is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have lost their jobs as computers can shorten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
processes
usually
done by humans, resulting in fewer workers
being required
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is the banking industry in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs have disappeared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of computer technology, such as ATMs and internet banking.

To conclude
, computers are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
extensively
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workplaces and for scientific applications and
as a result
, safety and efficiency has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
However
, computers can have an adverse impact on crime and employment. Despite these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects, I believe that the benefits of using computers in contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
undoubtedly
outweigh any drawbacks.
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IELTS essay The benefits of computers in modern society far outweigh the disadvantages. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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