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It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings That money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v.1

It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings That money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v. 1
Global warming has been a catastrophe to the survival of human beings and species in the world so that it becomes a challenge for humanity nowadays to protect our planet for future generations. I believe that there are 2 main causes and some appropriate solutions to this problem. Perhaps, the concentration of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere is the major cause of global warming so that the average surface temperature continues to rise rapidly. It is said that human activities such as burning fossil fuels lead to carbon dioxide to be trapped in the world’s atmosphere. For example, the majority of city dwellers drive cars or ride motorcycles to go to other places or work. Another cause is possibly deforestation as plants help to reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide levels by using CO2 in the process of photosynthesis and this is known as a natural process in the gas cycle. When forests are felled and burnt by humankind for housing areas or farms, CO2 will be trapped in the atmosphere and then this heat-trapping gas will raise the mean ground temperature. Regarding its causes, the potential remedy for this issue is probably to consume renewable energy and to reduce the use of fossil fuels. For instance, in Netherland wind power is used by society while wave power has been developed for electricity in Japan. It is believed that an international car-free day is a proper event to cut these emissions from vehicles and even in Jakarta this car-free day is held every Sunday. The last step in this global warming issue may be taken by reforesting the empty land or the trees in which are cut by humans. Furthermore, illegal logging and a change in land function must be prevented because If there are many plants, both rural areas and cities, those plants can lower the concentration of atmospheric carbon dioxide. Overall, an excessive amount of greenhouse gas emissions and felling and burning of forests are the fundamental causes of world warming, whereas the consumption of alternative energy and reforestation are the best ways to solve this problem.
Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
has been a catastrophe to the survival of human beings and species in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it becomes a challenge for humanity nowadays to protect our planet for future generations. I believe that there are 2 main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate solutions to this problem.

Perhaps, the concentration of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere is the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the average surface temperature continues to rise
rapidly
. It
is said
that human activities such as burning fossil fuels lead to carbon dioxide to
be trapped
in the world’s atmosphere.
For example
, the majority of city dwellers drive cars or ride motorcycles to go to other places or work. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
is
possibly
deforestation as plants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
atmospheric carbon dioxide levels by using CO2 in the process of photosynthesis and this
is known
as a natural process in the gas cycle. When forests
are felled
and burnt by humankind for housing areas or farms, CO2 will
be trapped
in the atmosphere and then this heat-trapping gas will raise the mean ground temperature.

Regarding its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
, the potential remedy for this issue is
probably
to consume renewable energy and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil fuels.
For instance
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Netherland
wind power is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by society while wave power has
been developed
for electricity in Japan. It
is believed
that an international car-free day is a proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
these emissions from vehicles and even in Jakarta this car-free day
is held
every Sunday. The last step in this global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
issue may
be taken
by reforesting the empty land or the trees in which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
by humans.
Furthermore
, illegal logging and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in land function
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
If there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
plants, both rural areas and cities, those plants can lower the concentration of atmospheric carbon dioxide.

Overall
, an excessive amount of greenhouse gas emissions and felling and burning of forests are the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, whereas the consumption of alternative energy and reforestation are the best ways to solve this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is too expensive to look after and repair old buildings That money should be spent on building modern buildings instead v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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