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The bar charts show the comparison of salt intake between men and women in different ages in American in 2000.

The bar charts show the comparison of salt intake between men and women in different ages in American in 2000. N3anN
The given chart illustrates the amounts of salt comsumed by American in 2000 by age and sex. Overall, the older Americans are, the more salt they ate but people who are more than 39 years old reduced their intake. Moreover, males usually ate more salt than females. With regard to male, the majority of salt being consumed in 2000 belonged to the 20-39 aged men, about 4500 milligrams. The 12-19 aged men and 40-60 aged men had the same figure, at approximately 4100 milligrams, which was followed by people who were under 60, at about 3600 milligrams. And the figure for the amount of salt intake of smallest aged group was the smallest, just more than 2000 milligrams. With regrad to female in the US, the number of salt being ate by the 29-39 aged women was the highest, at about 3100 milligrams, while the that of salt being ate by female from 12 to 19 years old and female from 40 to 60 years old was equal, at around 3000 milligrams. People who aged 60 consumed the suitable number of salt as the recommend salt intake fot adults, at 2500 milligrams and this figure was more than double the figure for the amount of salt intake of the under 6 aged group, at just 1400 milligrams.
The
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given
chart illustrates the amounts of
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salt
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comsumed
by American in 2000 by age and sex.

Overall
, the older Americans are, the more
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salt
they
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ate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are more than 39 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their
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intake
.
Moreover
, males
usually
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ate
more
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salt
than females.

With regard to male, the majority of
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salt
being consumed
in 2000 belonged to the 20-39
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aged
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men
, about 4500 milligrams. The 12-19
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aged
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men
and 40-60
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aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had the same
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figure
, at approximately 4100 milligrams, which
was followed
by
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people
who were under 60, at about 3600 milligrams. And the
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figure
for the amount of
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salt
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intake
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the smallest".
smallest
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aged
group was the smallest,
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just
more than 2000 milligrams.

With
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regrad
to female in the US, the number of
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salt
being
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ate
by the 29-39
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aged
women was the highest, at about 3100 milligrams, while the that of
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salt
being
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ate
by female from 12 to 19 years
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old
and female from 40 to 60 years
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old
was equal, at around 3000 milligrams.
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People
who
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aged
60 consumed the suitable number of
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salt
as
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'recommend' is correct. If 'recommend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the recommend
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salt
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intake
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fot
adults, at 2500 milligrams and this
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figure
was more than double the
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figure
for the amount of
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salt
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intake
of the under 6
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aged
group, at
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just
1400 milligrams.
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IELTS essay The bar charts show the comparison of salt intake between men and women in different ages in American in 2000.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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