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The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and makes comparisons where relevant v.1

The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country
Knowledge can be obtained either by reading books or by practicing in daily life activity. Whether knowledge gained by reading is more valuable than that by practicing depends on the social status, professional occupation and the stage of an individual's life. The essay will compare and contrast them and then will present my opinion. From the ancient time to the contemporary era, books are primary resources of knowledge for people, especially professionals. For example, becoming a doctor, a lawyer or a scientist includes long-period theoretical education in classes. Without mastering the essential principle, it is impossible for doctors to treat their patients, for lawyers to go to court, and for scientists to invent more high-tech items. Then all these professionals will continually hone skills during their practice. However, practical experiences are more crucial to certain occupations, such as plumber, wielder, and so on. They gain their skills and master the essential core knowledge by on-hand training or during their apprenticeships. Although both books and experience are fundamental sources to gain wisdom,  knowledge obtained by reading is significantly different from that by practicing.  Reading textbooks, guidelines and research articles is a fast and convenient method to gain knowledge. Moreover, content gathered and documented in all these books are precise and reliable. While, skills learned during hand-on practice may be easy for learners to understand and last long in their memories. However, they are limited to person and various among individuals. In terms of education, I will definitely advocate that learning from books for principles and theories are crucial for pupils and help them to be ready for further studies in high school and then in universities. After graduating from universities, real-life practice in an individual's career will help polish them wisdom and create novel ideas as well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Knowledge
can
be obtained
either by reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or by practicing in daily life activity. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
gained by reading is more valuable than that by practicing depends on the social status, professional occupation and the stage of an individual's life. The essay will compare and contrast them and then will present my opinion.

From the ancient time to the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are primary resources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
 professionals.
For example
, becoming a doctor, a lawyer or a scientist includes long-period theoretical education in classes. Without mastering the essential principle, it is impossible for doctors to treat their patients, for lawyers to go to court, and for scientists to invent more high-tech items. Then all these professionals will
continually
hone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during their practice.
However
, practical experiences are more crucial to certain occupations, such as plumber, wielder, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They gain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and master the essential core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
by on-hand training or during their apprenticeships.

Although both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and experience are fundamental sources to gain wisdom,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 knowledge
obtained by reading is
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
 from that by practicing.  Reading textbooks, guidelines and research articles is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and convenient method to gain knowledge.
Moreover
, content gathered and documented in all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are precise and reliable. While,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
learned during hand-on practice may be easy for learners to understand and last long in their memories.
However
, they
are limited
to person and various among individuals.

In terms of education, I will definitely advocate that learning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for principles and theories are crucial for pupils and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be ready for
further
studies in high school and then in universities. After graduating from universities, real-life practice in an individual's career will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
polish them wisdom and create novel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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