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the balance between education and working for a job

the balance between education and working for a job m1PD1
Undoubtedly, striking the right balance between education and working for a job is an essential prerequisite for people to achieve financial stability and maximize long-term financial security. It is often argued that young students should work in a job for a period of time between school and university. Apparently, working between the school and university holds a wide range of constructive benefits. To begin with, it teaches independence and take on responsibilities to prepare you for a bright future with independence. Secondly, working in various places helps a student to gain new talents and skills which will impact in a positive way as they grow older. Thirdly, working independently shows the value of money and how spending it should be used wisely. On the other hand, working in a small age may affect your studies and grades. Chiefly, many students have ample of tests and assignments to do and cannot find a free time to spend with their friends and family. Additionally, finding a job for ungraduated students would not be easy since the rate of employment has dropped off, besides that many people with a high degree cannot find a good offer in a suitable place. As well as young people cannot take on duties as grown-ups manage to so they might get frustrated. To recapitulate, working at a job and learning is not that simple however many students manage to balance between their studies and job as they find it a great opportunity to gain new skills and acquisition new talents.
Undoubtedly
, striking the right balance between education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is an essential prerequisite for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to achieve financial stability and maximize long-term financial security. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a period of time between school and university.

Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
between the school and university holds a wide range of constructive benefits. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it teaches independence and take on responsibilities to prepare you for a bright future with independence.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in various places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to gain new talents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will impact in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way as they grow older.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
independently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the value of money and how spending it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age may affect your studies and grades.
Chiefly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have ample of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and assignments to do and cannot find a free time to spend with their friends and family.
Additionally
, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
ungraduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would not be easy since the rate of employment has dropped off,
besides
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a high degree cannot find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
offer in a suitable place.

As well
as young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot take on duties as grown-ups manage to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and learning is not that simple
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
manage to balance between their studies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as they find it a great opportunity to gain new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and acquisition new talents.
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IELTS essay the balance between education and working for a job

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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