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the average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. to what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement. give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own experience or knowledge. v.6

the average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement. v. 6
Health is one of the most crucial thing of our life and body. Some people consider health as the most crucial treasure in life, but some people don't even consider theit heatlh as a treasure because they are being too busy and it will lower the standard of health in the future. So, I personally agree that there are several reasons why health is reducing as the time goes. First of all, people nowadays, especially the older ones are becoming workaholic. They always put works as the top list of their daily task as it is their only activity. Thus, many of them become too tired because they works until late at night and are not getting enough sleep without considering the side effect of their hearts. Some on them even don't have a proper meal or even a healthy meal. Secondly, the environment in our places is getting worse. There is so much pollution from cars, cigarettes, deforestation. This kind of aspects is also reducing our health. For instance, when people work in outdoor places they inhale too much pollution that goes into their lungs, thus, it will reduce the health of the lungs, but they don't even think to use a mask for outdoor activity. Eventually, as the time goes, their energy is getting lower. In conclusion, people nowadays are more careless of their health. They prefer to do their work first and never check their health in hospital or even just go for vacation to get a fresh air. Due to this, people are getting sick more easily and reduce the health standard in the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is one of the most crucial thing of our life and body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as the most crucial treasure in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't even consider
Possible spelling mistake found.
theit
Possible spelling mistake found.
heatlh
as a treasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are being too busy and it will lower the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is reducing as the time goes.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays,
especially
the older ones are becoming workaholic. They always put works as the top list of their daily task as it is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
activity.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them become too tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "work"
works
until late at night and are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleep without considering the side effect of their hearts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
on them even don't have a proper meal or even a healthy meal.

Secondly
, the environment in our places is getting worse. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much pollution from cars, cigarettes, deforestation. This kind of aspects is
also
reducing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in outdoor places they inhale too much pollution that goes into their lungs,
thus
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the lungs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a mask for outdoor activity.
Eventually
, as the time goes, their energy is getting lower.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are more careless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. They prefer to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
first
and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in hospital or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go for vacation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fresh air. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting sick more
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard in the country.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay the average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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