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Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. v. 1
Libraries have become one of the biggest sources of books in every country. They are providing a various kinds of book, whether the educative ones or the interesting ones. So, through this essay I agree that public library shouldn't waste their resources. First of all, people nowadays, especially the teenagers are spending most of their time in the library to learn. Hence, the library should provide a variety kinds of high-tech source of dvd to help the teenagers gets more resources in education and more knowledge. For instance, when teenagers are learning for their exam most of them will go to the public library because of the vibe is quiet so people will be more convenient. However, when learning for exam students needs a variety of sources in term to get a good score. So most of them will look for libraries with high technology of sources so it will make them easier to get more knowledge for their best score. Secondly, the public library should give their consumers a satification by providing them a complete source of books, software, and dvd, especially the high technology one. So, when the student goes the library they will feel more comfortable. For instance, when students are going to the library to finish the assignment, they will go to look for the task through video, book or other sources, and when they find out that the library gives them what they need they will feel comfortable and satisfied. In conclusion, the public library should not waste the opportunity to improve their places become better so students and teenagers will be more convenient and comfortable when they are learning in the public library
Libraries have become one of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in every country. They are providing a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "kind"?
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, whether the educative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
or the interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, through this essay I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library shouldn't waste their resources.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are spending most of their time in the library to learn.
Hence
, the library should provide a variety kinds of high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dvd
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more resources in education and more knowledge.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are learning for their exam most of them will go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the vibe is quiet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be more convenient.
However
, when learning for exam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
needs a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in term to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
most of them will look for libraries with high technology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge for their best score.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library should give their consumers a
Possible spelling mistake found.
satification
by providing them a complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, software, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dvd
,
especially
the high technology one.
“So , when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, when
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
goes the library they will feel more comfortable.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are going to the library to finish the assignment, they will go to look for the task through video,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, and when they find out that the library gives them what they need they will feel comfortable and satisfied.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library should not waste the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their places become better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will be more convenient and comfortable when they are learning in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
library
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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