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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.21

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 21
Health is the physical, social and mental well being of a person. It is argued that in the future, the average standard of an individual health will deteriorate. I agree with this statement, and will analyse how the increasing pressure from work and unhealthy eating habit will reduce the quality of living. To begin with, the increased pressure from work is a major reason why the average quality of Life will deteriorate. Due to the saturation of the unemployment market and the expectation of workers to meet deadlines at their organizations, most employees are compelled to put in extra hours, sometimes they even take jobs, home to meet deadlines; As a result, this causes them inadequate rest, and insufficient relaxation time, which could lead to conditions such as depression and anxiety. Thus, if the pressure from office is not properly managed, it will inevitably reduce the standard of health in the future. Another point to consider in this case, is the recent unhealthy eating habit cultivated by people. With the number of restaurants sprouting up, people find it more convenient patronising fast food restaurant, rather than eating healthy meals in their homes. This is because, meals sold out are cheap and readily available. However, it has been reported by Food Agencies that most meals sold in Fast food shops; contain high calories, which is the main cause of life threatening illnesses such as diabetes and hypertension. Therefore, excessive eating of unhealthy snacking, will affect the standard of health, if not drastically controlled. In conclusion, undoubtedly, the average standard of people's well being will depreciate over the years; as a result of the increasing demands from employers, and unhealthy eating habits of the people; if not checked.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is the physical, social and mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a person. It
is argued
that in the future, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will deteriorate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, and will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how the increasing pressure from work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habit will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the quality of living.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the increased pressure from work is a major reason why the average quality of Life will deteriorate. Due to the saturation of the unemployment market and the expectation of workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
deadlines at their organizations, most employees
are compelled
to put in extra hours,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they even take jobs, home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
deadlines;
As a result
, this causes them inadequate rest, and insufficient relaxation time, which could lead to conditions such as depression and anxiety.
Thus
, if the pressure from office is not
properly
managed, it will
inevitably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the future.

Another point to consider
in this case
, is the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habit cultivated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. With the number of restaurants sprouting up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it more convenient
Possible spelling mistake. 'patronising' is British English.
patronising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurant,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy meals in their homes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, meals sold out are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
readily
available.
However
, it has
been reported
by Food Agencies that most meals sold in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food shops; contain high calories, which is the main cause of life threatening illnesses such as diabetes and hypertension.
Therefore
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
snacking, will affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, if not
drastically
controlled.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
will depreciate over the years;
as a result
of the increasing demands from employers, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
; if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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