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The average standard of human health is likely to reduce in the future than as it is now.

The average standard of human health is likely to reduce in the future than as it is now. p1Qm0
Some people argue that the average standard of human health is likely to reduce in the future in comparison with the present. I do agree with the above said as the advancing technologies can have a significant impact on one's health, although there is a chance that things can go the other way round as well. Maintaining one's health is dependent on various factors such as his lifestyle, personal and professional life and the motivation to stay fit and healthy. Advancing technologies also have a significant impact on people's health. Nowadays, there exist application controlled rooms, through which a person can turn on or off the electronic devices just by a touch on his phone. Devices like Alexa perform many operations even from a distance such as playing songs or reading out the daily news. These advancements make humans more and more dependent on technologies for accomplishing even the easiest tasks. This results in the deterioration of people's health due to the lack of exercise and also the minimal usage of brains. In other words, the advancing age will make people more lazy and reluctant to perform the simplest activities. On the other hand, these developments come with benefits too. They save our time and energy to a great extent which in turn enables us to invest ourselves in things that ought to be much more productive and worthwhile. They also provide us immense safety and regular alerts in various scenarios such as theft etc. To conclude, the standard of people's health on average is likely to decrease in the future, unless they make an effort to stay fit and healthy. This can be due to the advancing developments which make it more much more convenient for people to rely on machines rather than doing it independently.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the average standard of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
in the future
in comparison
with the present. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above said as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancing
technologies can have a significant impact on one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, although there is a chance that things can go the other way round
as well
.

Maintaining one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is dependent on various factors such as his lifestyle, personal and professional life and the motivation to stay fit and healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advancing
technologies
also
have a significant impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Nowadays, there exist application controlled rooms, through which a person can turn on or off the electronic devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by a touch on his phone. Devices like Alexa perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
operations even from a distance such as playing songs or reading out the daily news. These advancements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
humans more and more dependent on technologies for accomplishing even the easiest tasks. This results in the deterioration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
due to the lack of exercise and
also
the minimal usage of brains.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancing
age will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more lazy and reluctant to perform the simplest activities.

On the other hand
, these developments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with benefits too. They save our time and energy to a great extent which in turn enables us to invest ourselves in things that ought to be much more productive and worthwhile. They
also
provide us immense safety and regular alerts in various scenarios such as theft etc.

To conclude
, the standard of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
on average is likely to decrease in the future, unless they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an effort to stay fit and healthy. This can be due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancing
developments which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it more much more convenient for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to rely on machines
rather
than doing it
independently
.
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IELTS essay The average standard of human health is likely to reduce in the future than as it is now.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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