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Funding public transporation or environment?

Funding public transporation or environment? AgRbX
The development of science and technology has come to pervade every aspect of our lives, especially the influence from the internet, which is changing people’s lives at a quite unprecedented speed, and as a result, some people consider government should spend money to improve the internet access. After considering various factors, I, on the contrary, reckon that improving public transportation deserves more financial support from the government. Firstly, improvement of public transportation could help to solve the serious environmental problems nowadays. Undoubtedly, the disastrous consequences of environmental pollution has been quite obvious, such as the gloomy haze obscuring the top of the skyscrapers, acid rain poisoning farmlands and eroding buildings, sea-level rise resulting from global temperature rise, and so on, which urgently calls for effective measures to resolve all these life-threatening challenges. Public transportation capable of vast passenger volume could be one efficient way to take the place of various private vehicles whose exhaust emission is the main pollutant. For example, I am living in one city in North China that suffered bitterly from air pollution. In order to recover the blue sky, last year our government carried out one policy to lower the price of the bus together with improved services. Not surprisingly, more passengers chose to take public transportation. With less exhaust emission from private vehicles, the air quality was improved since then. Second, compared with internet access, public transportation could benefit more people. Admittedly, with the appearance of various social media, the internet, because of its efficiency and convenience, does serve as one important role in communication, but not everyone can be proficient or even familiar with the internet. We should not ignore the sobering fact that there are still a large number of illiterate people, especially in the remote poverty-stricken areas. Being unable to read or type prevents them from getting online no matter how convenient internet access is. By contrast, public transportation could help those areas to connect with outside developed urban areas to develop their economy. The railway connecting eastern China and Tibet could be one persuasive example. Before this railway was built, the lagging economic situation in Tibet constrained the improvement of people’s living standards. Many families even could not afford their children to get an education, while after the Chinese government built the railway to connect Tibet to the outside developed areas, Tibet’s economy has been developing dramatically as the railway introduces more industries and encourages tourism, and as a result, large numbers of local people could benefit from what the public transportation promises. Conclusively, since public transportation could ensure both an improved environment and economy, the government is highly advised to spend money on improving public transportation.
The development of science and technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to pervade every aspect of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
especially
the influence from the internet, which is changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at a quite unprecedented speed, and
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the internet access. After considering various factors, I,
on the contrary
, reckon that improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
deserves more financial support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Firstly
, improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve the serious environmental problems nowadays.
Undoubtedly
, the disastrous consequences of environmental pollution has been quite obvious, such as the gloomy haze obscuring the top of the skyscrapers, acid rain poisoning farmlands and eroding buildings, sea-level rise resulting from global temperature rise, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which
urgently
calls for effective measures to resolve all these life-threatening challenges.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
capable of vast passenger volume could be one efficient way to take the place of various private vehicles whose exhaust emission is the main pollutant.
For example
, I am living in one city in North China that suffered
bitterly
from air pollution. In order to recover the blue sky, last year our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
carried out one policy to lower the price of the bus together with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
services. Not
surprisingly
, more passengers chose to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. With less exhaust emission from private vehicles, the air quality was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
since then.

Second, compared with internet access,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
could benefit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Admittedly
, with the appearance of various social media, the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its efficiency and convenience, does serve as one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone can be proficient or even familiar with the internet. We should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the sobering fact that there are
still
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in the remote poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Being unable to read or type
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from getting online no matter how convenient internet access is. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to connect with outside developed urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to develop their economy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
connecting eastern China and Tibet could be one persuasive example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
was built
, the lagging economic situation in Tibet constrained the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
families even could not afford their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education, while after the Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
built the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
to connect Tibet to the outside developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, Tibet’s economy has been developing
dramatically
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
introduces more industries and encourages tourism, and
as a result
, large numbers of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could benefit from what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
promises.

Conclusively
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
could ensure both an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
environment and economy, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
highly
advised to spend money on improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
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IELTS essay Funding public transporation or environment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
446 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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