Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The average life-span of citizens is increasing in developed countries. What problems can this cause? What measures should be taken?

The average life-span of citizens is increasing in developed countries. What problems can this cause? What measures should be taken? BMDPm
The economy of a country mainly depends on working-age population. In other words, it is a boost in economic productivity that occurs when there are growing numbers of people in workforce relative to the number of dependents. So, when the number of old people exceed the number of young people, because of high longevity, there will be a shortage of labor. This means that hole industry market should be handle by less percentage of population, the young. While the number of people who are working is dwindled, the number of total consumers does not fall. The second problem could be growing human population. The better standard of living People have, the longer lifespan they will have. Hence, the rate of death will decrease in developed countries and this causes population growth, which leading more poverty because the demand for food, clean water and place to live will increase. To remedy economic crisis, one possible solution would be promotion gender equality in employment. Increasing young woman's participation in labor market can compensate for the expected reduction in the growth of workforce caused by population aging. For example, in some countries, like mine, Iran, cultural and legal barriers women from entering and continuing in industry and work place. So, by engaging women in workforce, the number of people who could work will increase. To solve issues which are caused by overpopulation, some governments spread some kind of viruses, like corona virus or Marburg virus. The diseases that are cause by these viruses, target older generation and sick people, especially who suffer from chronic illness. For example, corona virus has not had serious effect on children but for the elderly it was the opposite. If the government repeat this action, they will control growth of aging population. To conclude, because of life-span increasing, the world is facing the growing of aged population which lead to economic problems and population growth. To tackle these issues, encouraging women to work as men and spreading virus by some political systems could mitigate the effect of growing number of aged people on the world.
The economy of a country
mainly
depends on working-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
In other words
, it is a boost in economic productivity that occurs when there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in workforce relative to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of dependents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exceed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high longevity, there will be a shortage of labor. This means that hole industry market should be
Did you mean "handled"?
handle
by less percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, the young. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working
is dwindled
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of total consumers does not fall. The second problem could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. The better standard of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have, the longer lifespan they will have.
Hence
, the rate of death will decrease in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and this causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
, which leading more poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the demand for food, clean water and place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
will increase.

To remedy economic crisis, one possible solution would be promotion gender equality in employment. Increasing young woman's participation in labor market can compensate for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
reduction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of workforce caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aging.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, like mine, Iran, cultural and legal barriers women from entering and continuing in industry and work place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by engaging women in workforce, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who could work will increase. To solve issues which
are caused
by overpopulation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of viruses, like corona
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
or Marburg
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
. The diseases that are cause by these viruses, target older generation and sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
who suffer from chronic illness.
For example
, corona
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
has not had serious effect on children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the elderly it was the opposite. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
repeat this action, they will control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of aging population.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of life-span increasing, the world is facing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
which lead to economic problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
. To tackle these issues, encouraging women to work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
political systems could mitigate the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the world.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The average life-span of citizens is increasing in developed countries. What problems can this cause? What measures should be taken?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5.5band
    impact of anthropocentric view on ecology
    In global standpoint, “The biomass of wild mammals has fallen by 82%, natural ecosystems have lost about half their area and a million species are at risk of extinction – all largely as a result of human actions, said the study, compiled over three years by more than 450 scientists and diplomats” (T...
  • 6band
    Can you say something about Australian Roads?
    There is a very clear division between inland and coastal roads. The built-up coastal area from South Australia to Queensland (and the south western corner of Western Australia) is served by modern freeways and good quality sealed roads. The further inland the traveller goes, the worse the roads bec...
  • 5.5band
    city life is bad for people's health.
    nowadays, important city areas are expanding rapilly due to development of economic and increasing life is bad for people health. I strongly agree with that for some reasons. the first reason for my see is that countless vehicles are the main cause of traffic congestion, that creates noise that grea...
  • 6band
    The system includes main components
    The system includes main components: Signal acquisition module: Infrared camera communicating via USB (Universal Serial Bus) Signal processing module: Raspberry Pi 3 embedded computer. The image obtained from the camera will be processed. directly on this compact embedded computer and the results ar...
  • 6band
    How can students use technology in learning?
    Today, with the help of technology, students as well as teachers can apply it to advanced teaching and learning. Especially, with the unpredictable developments of the Covid-19 epidemic, technology become more and more important to form the connection between teachers and students. So how can studen...
  • 5.5band
    First of all I would like thank you for invitation
    First of all I would like thank you for invitation which was extended to me. I’m very sorry, I unable to joint with you due to the exams of my last year term at university which has been scheduled on next three weeks. I know that you don’t want to listen this kind of reply. I would definitely joint ...