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The amount of time spent on sport and exercise be increased in social in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with problems? What other solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays obesity is a hot issue in every country. They discuss about how they will maintain the healthy balance of the children, if they did not so some exercise. Some people believe that schools should give some extra time for sports and exercise to help them loose some weight. I believe that giving extra curricular for sports and exercise is not enough to decrease a number of overweight children. First most children now, is not interested to play outside because they want to play some online games which is not healthy to them. Parents and teachers should not allow the students to use any gadgets like cellphones, tablets and etc. while they ate still young they should discipline by eating healthy and doing some exercise Secondly, a healthy body started at the home. Guardians will know how to prepare healthy food for her/his children. they should encourage them to start eating vegetables, fish and some healthy food diet. Eating junk-foods is not necessary to children health, which will cause of some disease, like Urinary tract infection (UTI). In conclusion, showing to children that eating healthy food and making exercise will encourage them to do the same. Schools in not the one who is responsible for making the children healthy, teachers will help to maintain the healthy balance but parents should teach them to eat and do exercise to become their children healthy.
Nowadays obesity is a hot issue in every country. They
Did you mean simply “discuss how”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discuss about how
they will maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
balance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if they did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that schools should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra time for sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
Did you mean “lose” (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weight.

I believe that giving
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
for sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to decrease a number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, is not interested to play outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
online games which is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
to them. Parents and teachers should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any gadgets like cellphones, tablets
Write the name of the item after ‘and’ or use only “etc”.
and etc
. while they ate
still
young they should discipline by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
exercise


Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the home. Guardians will know how to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food for her/his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
they
should encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
vegetables, fish and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food diet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
junk-foods is not necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
health, which will cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease, like Urinary tract infection (UTI).

In conclusion
, showing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will encourage them to do the same. Schools in not the one who is responsible for making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, teachers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents should teach them to eat and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to become their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
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IELTS essay The amount of time spent on sport and exercise be increased in social in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with problems? What other solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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