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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience.

Who should be responsible for us when we get old? (Thesis statement - must have) As we all know, social welfare for old people in Britain is one of the reasons for making this place worth living. However, its policies are still addressed on a fragmented rather than holistic basis. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care, sometimes not. This essay is written to analyse the question: Who should pay for the wellbeing of citizens when they get old? It is obvious that everyone has to take responsibility for their life, even in their old age. The government only supports who lack the ability to live on their own. Except for that case, personally, I think that other parties like their employers or insurance companies have to take part in this affair. There is no doubt that we spend most of our time on contribution to our companies and investment in life insurance for securing our lives. Hence, we deserve a better life caring reward from them when we are not able to work any more. However, it should be taken into consideration that some old people’s family have enough financial potential to pay for their health and happiness. In this situation, we should leave the responsibility to their relatives, especially mature children. It is not only to reduce the financial burden for the government but also somewhat to show respect to parents for their effort in nurturing us before. The only thing to pay attention to is that the family does not have to take this as a mandatory duty but a preferable one as it depends on their families' ability. In the meantime, old people still could pay for themselves if they are able to. It gives them freedom in mind besides independence in their physical daily lives. For instance, in Singapore today, there are elders who are still working even though they are over working-age and have their children taking care of them. Nevertheless, they still need support from the government or the family and should not be the people in charge because of their aged mind and body condition. On that account, the government can still pay partly for old people’s care but must have other policies to encourage or even force others who are related to and responsible for them to share the duty. That is both for their safety and for the social finance’s balance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
should be responsible for us when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
? (Thesis statement
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have)

As we all know, social welfare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Britain is one of the reasons for making this place worth living.
However
, its policies are
still
addressed on a fragmented
rather
than holistic basis.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for this care,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
not. This essay
is written
to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analyse’ is British English.
analyse
the question:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Who
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the wellbeing of citizens when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
?

It is obvious that everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take responsibility for their life, even in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
that case,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that other parties like their employers or insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in this affair. There is no doubt that we spend most of our time on contribution to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and investment in life insurance for securing our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Hence
, we deserve a better life caring reward from them when we are not able to work
Did you mean the adverb “anymore”?
any more
.

However
, it should
be taken
into consideration that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
family have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial potential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their health and happiness. In this situation, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the responsibility to their relatives,
especially
mature children. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the financial burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
somewhat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to parents for their effort in nurturing us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
attention to is that the family does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take this as a mandatory duty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a preferable one as it depends on their families' ability.

In the meantime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for themselves if they are able to. It gives them freedom in mind
besides
independence in their physical daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, in Singapore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are elders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
still
working
even though
they are over working-age and have their children taking care of them.
Nevertheless
, they
still
need support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or the family and should not be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in charge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their aged mind and body condition.

On that account, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
partly for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have other policies to encourage or even force others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are related
to and responsible for them to share the duty.
That is
both for their safety and for the social finance’s balance.
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IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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