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the amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children do you think the best way to deal with the problem sir what others solution can you suggest. v.2

the amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children do you think the best way to deal with the problem sir what others solution can you suggest. v. 2
While it is a well known fact that physical activity is a form of sports and exercise, which are very necessary for the growth of children. Nowadays, many toddlers are suffering overweight dilemma. Certain individuals reckon that academic institutions ought to yield sports as well as exercise in order to solve the brother of overweight youngsters. However, I deem that it is not the great way because healthy food are playing a considerable part in tackling the this issue. The upcoming paragraphs will not only examine the solutions, but also add my own opinion before any specific the conclusion. Since the education has become a part of children develop, they use to spend more time in schools rather than other places. Schools mostly want to see their best result of children. Because of this, teachers motivate to offsprings to focus on approach high marks in the study. Studies have to study for a long time sitting under the roof. They do not able to achieve the time, which they should invest in physical activities. Namely, outdoor games and exercises. As a result, they are becoming overweight. Nevertheless, schools should provide a period of physical education for kids, which help to tackle the issue of overweight. With the help of it they get a chance to break in order to their bodies, they will be fully comfortable and able to concentrate on their studies and work. They become well being and enable to stay away from pandemic diseases. However, healthy meal is very important. Schools generate food that is made at home. To cite an example, people know very well at present, children tend to eat fast food which is cheaply as well as available in every corner of the world. Children are felt overweight by junk food. They do not obtain healthy food. Therefore, schools should establish the kitchen room where is made meal as a healthy food. Beside this, kids either mostly spend time on the computer or television. For example, the habit of using these features is common. Due to this occur, they are bulky. So I judge that schools should encourage children watching only half or one hour programs. With the help of it reduce the obesity quandaries. To sum up, even though schools provide proper education, yet providing sports material, exercise, healthy food, limit watching programs are very necessary in order to cut the over weight of kids.
While it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known fact that physical activity is a form of sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
toddlers are suffering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
dilemma. Certain individuals reckon that academic institutions ought to yield sports as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in order to solve the brother of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
youngsters.
However
, I deem that it is not the great way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are playing a considerable part in tackling
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
issue. The upcoming paragraphs will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
examine the solutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any specific the conclusion.

Since the education has become a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop, they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
rather
than other places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
mostly
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their best result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Because of this
, teachers motivate to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to focus on approach high marks in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting under the roof. They do not able to achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which they should invest in physical activities.
Namely
, outdoor games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
As a result
, they are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should provide a period of physical education for kids, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to break in order to their bodies, they will be
fully
comfortable and able to concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and work. They become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and enable to stay away from pandemic diseases.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meal is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
is made
at home. To cite an example,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
at present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is
cheaply
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as available in every corner of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are felt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
by junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. They do not obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should establish the kitchen room where
is made
meal as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Beside this, kids either
mostly
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the computer or television.
For example
, the habit of using these features is common. Due to this occur, they are bulky.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I judge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half or one hour programs. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the obesity quandaries.

To sum up,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide proper education,
yet
providing sports material,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, limit watching programs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the over weight of kids.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children do you think the best way to deal with the problem sir what others solution can you suggest. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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