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The alarming rise of sexual assault in the country has led to calls for the death penalty to be imposed by law, but there are some who think those rapists should be made to suffer for life. What is your opinion on this point?

The alarming rise of sexual assault in the country has led to calls for the death penalty to be imposed by law, but there are some who think those rapists should be made to suffer for life. What is your opinion on this point? 26dG6
The cases of sexual harassment is on the rise in various countries; therefore, people are debating that the rapists should receive death penalty while some believe that they should not get kill. From my point of view, I agree that the death penalty need to be given to the rapists because it might help to reduce the cases as well as to protect the victims from the criminals. Everyday in the news show that there are several reports of sexual assault which happened to both children and adults especially for women. To stop this situation from occurring is to give harsh punishment to the rapists in order to make them frightened of the laws and stop doing it. In addition, the death penalty seem to be the most severe punishment that should have been used. However, if we let the criminal stay in our society it might do the same action repeatedly and become a threat to others. Additionally, in the countries that do not apply this penalty in their laws are even more facing with the problem of sexual assault that cannot be manage. In particular, the undeveloping country that the government cannot control people to be under their laws which make people do something without caring about rules. In this case, victims must always be aware of his or her surroundings all the time to be safe. Moreover, when they require to always be conscious it can lead to depression as they might be afraid of strangers and to get in community. In conclusion, we can get rid of sexual assault reports by increasing serious punishment like death penalty to make the rapist scared to act. Eventually, society will be better without criminals and victims do not have to be fearful of strangers.
The cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexual
harassment is on the rise in various countries;
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are debating that the rapists should receive death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
kill. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the rapists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cases
as well
as to protect the victims from the criminals.

'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
Everyday
in the news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that there are several reports of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexual
assault which happened to both children and adults
especially
for women. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this situation from occurring is to give harsh punishment to the rapists in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them frightened of the laws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing it.
In addition
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
seem to be the most severe punishment that should have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
However
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the criminal stay in our society it might do the same action
repeatedly
and become a threat to others.

Additionally
, in the countries that do not apply this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
in their laws are even more facing with the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexual
assault that cannot be manage.
In particular
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
undeveloping
country that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be under their laws which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do something without caring about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
In this case
, victims
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
always be aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
surroundings all the time to be safe.
Moreover
, when they require to always be conscious it can lead to depression as they might be afraid of strangers and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in community.

In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sexual
assault reports by increasing serious punishment like death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the rapist scared to act.
Eventually
, society will be better without criminals and victims do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be fearful of strangers.

IELTS essay The alarming rise of sexual assault in the country has led to calls for the death penalty to be imposed by law, but there are some who think those rapists should be made to suffer for life. What is your opinion on this point?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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