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How children growing up it’s important

How children growing up it’s important 3Mrjn
In the early childhood years children are learning the process skills of science as they apply to different subjects. In addition when a child has got siblings whereas they have got siblings rivalry. It has been a competition and frightening between brother and sister. Therefore, there can be lots of conflict between them. However, when they growing up and be adolescences they have got better relationships than before. Overall, no matter that children upbringing in an immediate family or extended family. Actually the fact that is important is that they have got stable upbringing. In conclusion, maternal instincts dramatically can improve the behavior and benefits of their children.
In the early childhood years children are learning the process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of science as they apply to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
when a child has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
siblings whereas they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
siblings rivalry. It has been a competition and frightening between brother and sister.
Therefore
, there can be lots of conflict between them.
However
, when
Did you mean "they're growing", "they are growing", or "they were growing"?
they growing
up and be adolescences they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
better relationships than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Overall
, no matter that children upbringing in an immediate family or extended family. Actually the fact
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
stable upbringing.
In conclusion
, maternal instincts
dramatically
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the behavior and benefits of their children.
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IELTS essay How children growing up it’s important

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
108 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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