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The advertising is extremely successful

The advertising is extremely successful VBjp7
I think that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. There are some reasons. First, we will interested in commodity which we don’t know well or no interesting. We try to watch the advertisement that the talent, model, and idol who we love take part in. We tend to memorize the things we like. Actually I unconsciously watch flyer and cm which the talent I like. These days, I am a fan of Mr. Degawa who is a Japanese comedian. He acted the cm of phone company. I watched it and remembered. So I went to the company and contract it. There are a lot of people who experience the same situation. Second, a company can get the number of people watch the commodity. Goods must have any customer. But, if the customer don’t know the things, they don’t buy it. The important things is how many people watch the things. Third, a company release the advertisement what people feel interesting or exciting. A good melody tend to attract people. They imitate the cm’s dance, melody, and lyrics. And people around them interested in that things. These days my friends dance to me like the TV cm he watched. It was so funny, so I remember. There are the reasons my think. But there are some people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. In the view of these people, actually we see a lot of advertisement every day. But we watch it, if we don’t want to see it. We are affected
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
First
, we will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "interest"
interested
in commodity which we don’t know well or no interesting. We try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the advertisement that the talent, model, and idol who we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in. We tend to memorize the things we like. Actually I
unconsciously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
flyer and cm which the talent I like. These days, I am a fan of Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Degawa
who is a Japanese comedian. He acted the cm of phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
it and remembered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and contract it. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who experience the same situation. Second, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the commodity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have any customer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if the customer don’t know the things, they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things is how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the things. Third, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
release the advertisement what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel interesting or exciting. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
melody tend to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They imitate the cm’s dance, melody, and lyrics. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them interested in that things. These days my friends dance to me like the TV cm he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I remember. There are the reasons my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we no longer pay attention to it. In the view of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, actually we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advertisement every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it, if we don’t want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it. We are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
affected
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IELTS essay The advertising is extremely successful

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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