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How advertising influence us to buy things

How advertising influence us to buy things 6xGb3
Even though I don’t often see the advertising paper, sometimes it is extremely successful at persuading me to buy things. These are seen when I read news paper and watch commercial message on TV or before the video is played on youtube. Some things are made from paper, others are video. So we customers see advertisements in a variety of situations. I will state my experience. These days, stay home is so important. I became to spend a number of time using smartphone. Using Instagram many video advertisements are played on. The video is chosen my favorite clothes or daily necessities automatically. So I ‘m attracted to these attention. Those advertisements come from the online shop. Similarly, many companies play on commercial message on TV or Youtube, the particular reason for this circumstance is that these devices is used great number of people. This actively demonstrates that advertising becomes more influential and give us big impacts. Also, many shoppers, housewife or students living alone, see the pamphlet of supermarket and decide whether they will buy productions or not. These flyers are in news paper and commercial message. So far, I mention different types of advertising, some people are used to seeing it. But, if we can buy things we want and find store it is on sell, we can’t help depending on information from store. Even if we are not conscious of it, we see advertisements and we are attracted, I think. To sum up everything that has been stated so far, there are many leaflets or commercial messages around us. No matter how you are used to seeing it, advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.
Even though
I don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the advertising paper,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
extremely
successful at persuading me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things. These are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
when I read
This word is normally spelled as one.
news paper
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
message on TV or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
is played
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
things
are made
from paper, others are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in a variety of situations. I will state my experience.

These days, stay home is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I became to spend a number of time using smartphone. Using Instagram
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are played
on. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
is chosen
my favorite clothes or daily necessities
automatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I ‘m attracted to
Did you mean "this attention" or "these attentions"?
these attention
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the online shop.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
play on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
message on TV or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, the particular reason for this circumstance is that these devices is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This
actively
demonstrates that advertising becomes more influential and give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impacts.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shoppers, housewife or students living alone,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the pamphlet of supermarket and decide whether they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
productions or not. These flyers are in
This word is normally spelled as one.
news paper
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
message.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
far, I mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of advertising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to seeing it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things we want and find store it is on sell, we can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
depending on information from store. Even if we are not conscious of it, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advertisements and
we
are attracted
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

To sum up everything that has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leaflets or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
messages around us. No matter how you are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to seeing it, advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things.
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IELTS essay How advertising influence us to buy things

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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