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The Advantages and Disadvantages of Full-Time Employment

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Full-Time Employment 2bxGo
Nowadays there are hot debates about working full time of male and female. Personally, I suppose that logical to share household works always might be beneficial for women and men. There are numerous advantages in working full time. To commence, when in family working full time all persons must to achieve financial stability and independent. That means, they can satisfy all their needs. Moreover, in order work all day, if family have children since they must take nanny. In addition, when equality is less than divorce decreased. Very often housework makes a woman nervous and can provoke scandals. However working full time for women and men can cause some negative consequences for household works and care children. First and foremost, workaholics do not care what doing their offspring, no time for mature children. Take for example many rebel children necessary grow up of this family, because they need attention of theirs parents. The gender-based or even income-based discrimination happening in some countries require for immediate reform. These empowered countries need to set-up an example to the rest of the world. In conclusion, I strongly believe that working full time for women and men is extremely important for satisfy all their needs however logical to share household works always negative influence for children psychology.
Nowadays there are hot debates about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of male and female.
Personally
, I suppose that logical to share household works always might be beneficial for women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

There are numerous advantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To commence, when in family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
all persons
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
achieve financial stability and independent. That means, they can satisfy all their needs.

Moreover
, in order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all day, if family have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take nanny.

In addition
, when equality is less than divorce decreased.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
housework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a woman nervous and can provoke scandals.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for household works and care children.

First
and foremost, workaholics do not care what doing their offspring, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Take
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rebel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
necessary grow up of this family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need attention of theirs parents.

The gender-based or even income-based discrimination happening in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries require for immediate reform. These empowered countries need
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to set-up
an example to the rest of the world.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for satisfy all their needs
however
logical to share household works always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychology.
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IELTS essay The Advantages and Disadvantages of Full-Time Employment

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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