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the advancement of technology

the advancement of technology 3M8Nn
Recently, some people have argued that the advancement of technology makes life ‎complicated. ‎They suggest that people should stop using technology in order to simplify their ‎life. Personally, I ‎totally disagree with this view. ‎ First of all, it is noticeable that technology has made our lives more convenient than ever ‎before. For ‎instance, Tesla introduced an alpha version of an autonomous driving system that has ‎allowed cars to ‎move automatically without drivers controlling them. With all the additional help ‎from sensors and ‎cameras, it has become safer to let computer software to take control of ‎vehicles, thus reducing ‎accidents. This explains how technologies can help to simplify the lives ‎of people; people no longer ‎need to pay attention to the situations around them and they can ‎make use of the travelling time to ‎do something else. Moreover, smart home technologies ‎minimise the number of routine activities ‎performed by people such as controlling the air ‎conditioner and checking for groceries at home. As a ‎result, people can perform various activities using smart phones, making their lives easier and simpler. ‎ Next, I believe that giving up modern technology would result in a much more complex society, ‎and ‎our lives will be difficult. For example, when the internet and phone technology were not ‎popular in ‎the past, a person needed to send a letter if he wanted to communicate with a friend ‎far away. The ‎whole process was complicated and it could take days until the sender received a ‎response. In ‎contrast, sending emails and text messages to each other through the internet ‎nowadays is not only ‎much easier, but also more cost-effective and efficient. Moreover, instant ‎response can be provided ‎by the receiver without a time delay. Therefore, maintaining our ‎globally distributed social network ‎without using modern technology would indeed become ‎complex and inconvenient. ‎ In conclusion, technology can simplify our routine activities. Our lives will be much more ‎complicated ‎without the help of modern technology. Hence, I totally disagree with the idea of ‎abandoning our ‎current technology to make our lives simpler. ‎
Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued that the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life ‎complicated. ‎They suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in order to simplify their ‎life.
Personally
, I ‎
totally
disagree with this view. ‎

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is noticeable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more convenient than ever ‎
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. For ‎instance, Tesla introduced an alpha version of an autonomous driving system that has ‎
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
cars to ‎
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
automatically
without drivers controlling them. With all the additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
‎from sensors and ‎cameras, it has become safer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
computer software to take control of ‎vehicles,
thus
reducing ‎accidents. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to simplify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
‎of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer ‎need to pay attention to the situations around
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they can ‎
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the travelling time to ‎do something else.
Moreover
, smart home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
‎
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the number of routine activities ‎performed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as controlling the air ‎conditioner and checking for groceries at home. As a ‎result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can perform various activities using smart phones, making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
easier and simpler. ‎

Next
, I believe that giving up modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
would result in a much more complex society, ‎and ‎our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
will be difficult.
For example
, when the internet and phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
were not ‎popular in ‎the past, a person needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a letter if he wanted to communicate with a friend ‎far away. The ‎whole process
was complicated
and it could take days until the sender received a ‎response. In ‎contrast, sending emails and text messages to each other through the internet ‎nowadays is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
‎much easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more cost-effective and efficient.
Moreover
, instant ‎response can
be provided
‎by the receiver without a time delay.
Therefore
, maintaining our ‎globally distributed social network ‎without using modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
would
indeed
become ‎complex and inconvenient. ‎

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can simplify our routine activities. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
will be much more ‎complicated ‎without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Hence
, I
totally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of ‎abandoning our ‎
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
simpler. ‎
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IELTS essay the advancement of technology

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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