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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions

that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions OVwB3
Money has never appealed to me. The reason why so many people lost themselves in seeking after personal fame and gains is beyond me. In my perspective, people can save so much misery if they can do without the few pleasures that money brings them. The main reason for my propensity is that little possessions sometimes make you believe that you have friends indeed in the world. As far as I am concerned, I pity those so-called wealthy men. It's hard for them to tell who are really true to them and who are not. It is the general truth that the weakness of human beings drives people to make friends with the rich in order to meet their ends. Consequently, famous people make friends with merchants in order to be offered with more chance of self hype. Entrepreneurial make friends with their clients so as to enhance their competitiveness. Salesmen make friends with consumers just to sell their products and earn more money. To most of those, people with lots of possessions are merely a means to gain property and status. Therefore, hardly would people open their heart to the rich. However, all these fragile and utilitarian friendships would not happen to you if you have fewer possessions. Since people can't take advantage of the poor, it would be much safer for the poor to believe that people will treat them good when people try to get close to them. Thanks to the fewer possessions, there will be much little envy, suspect and distrust in your friendships. Besides, less fortune brings you more freedom and easiness. As a saying goes, " The more possessions you own, the more anxious you will be. " Conversely, what is the point of being afraid of losing it if you have nothing at all from the start? Think about it, if you are not seized of the priceless jewels, luxury cars and large sums of cash, there is no need for you to keep your eyes on them day and night in case of being stolen. Then you are able to put more energy to appreciate the beautiful scenery around you, such as the first cockcrow, the twittering of the birds at dawn and the sight of the rising sun glinting on the trees. To drawn a conclusion, the fewer possessions you own, the happier you would be. Because the fewer possessions bring you the real friendship and also eliminate the unnecessary anxiety you have.
Money has never appealed to me. The reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost themselves in seeking after personal fame and gains is beyond me. In my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much misery if they can do without the few pleasures that money brings them.

The main reason for my propensity is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you believe that you have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
indeed
in the world. As far as I
am concerned
, I pity those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
who are
really
true to them and who are not. It is the general truth that the weakness of human beings drives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with the rich in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their ends.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with merchants in order to
be offered
with more chance of self hype. Entrepreneurial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with their clients
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
enhance their competitiveness. Salesmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to sell their products and earn more money. To most of those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
are
merely
a means to gain property and status.
Therefore
, hardly would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
open their heart to the rich.
However
, all these fragile and utilitarian friendships would not happen to you if you have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't take advantage of the poor, it would be much safer for the poor to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will treat them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
close to them. Thanks to the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
, there will be much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
envy, suspect and distrust in your friendships.

Besides
, less fortune brings you more freedom and easiness. As a saying goes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, the more anxious you will be.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Conversely
, what is the point of being afraid of losing it if you have nothing at all from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Think
about it, if you are not seized of the priceless jewels, luxury cars and large sums of cash, there is no need for you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your eyes on them day and night in case of
being stolen
. Then you are able to put more energy to appreciate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery around you, such as the
first
cockcrow, the twittering of the birds at dawn and the sight of the rising sun glinting on the trees.

Did you mean "To draw"?
To drawn
a conclusion, the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, the happier you would be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possessions
bring you the real friendship and
also
eliminate the unnecessary anxiety you have.
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IELTS essay that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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