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Do you agree or disagree that people should have several jobs or ways of earning money?

that people should have several jobs or ways of earning money? wa73Y
I strongly agree with the employment trend of multiple sources of income due to a large number of benefits. First, having various occupations at the same time allows people to solve their financial issues. In fact, owing to the current fierce employment rivalry, numerous employees are struggling to earn a living with only one source of income. In these cases, multiple careers not only meet the demand for increasing revenue streams but also provides insurance if either job is disrupted. Second, a several-occupational lifestyle will help to subsidize career development. To illustrate, workers have more opportunities to cope with different problems during work time and encounter lots of people from various backgrounds. Consequently, by trying a variety of positions, it enables people to gain more practical skills as well as expand more relationships with professionals so that they can run their own business in the future. Finally, switching from one job to another may grow motivation to work. In particular, having a single career is more likely to get bored or overly irritated by the repetitive routines in any workplace. Multiple jobs, in contrast, constantly bring people a feeling of excitement due to new colleagues they expose to and different responsibilities they have to deal with. In conclusion, taking various career at once is a preferable choice for everyone.
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the employment trend of multiple sources of income due to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
benefits.

First
, having various occupations at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to solve their financial issues. In fact, owing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
fierce employment rivalry, numerous employees are struggling to earn a living with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one source of income. In these cases, multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand for increasing revenue streams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides insurance if either job
is disrupted
.

Second, a several-occupational lifestyle will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to subsidize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development. To illustrate, workers have more opportunities to cope with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems during work time and encounter lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various backgrounds.
Consequently
, by trying a variety of positions, it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as expand more relationships with professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business in the future.

Finally
, switching from one job to another may grow motivation to work.
In particular
, having a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored or
overly
irritated by the repetitive routines in any workplace. Multiple jobs,
in contrast
,
constantly
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a feeling of excitement due to new colleagues they expose to and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
responsibilities they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with.

In conclusion
, taking various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
at once is a preferable choice for everyone.
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IELTS essay that people should have several jobs or ways of earning money?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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