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that parents should take full responsibility for their children's overweight and unhealthy lifestyle

that parents should take full responsibility for their children's overweight and unhealthy lifestyle 6anJx
It is often argued that parents should take full responsibility for their offspring’s overweight and unhealthy lifestyle. Personally, I partly agree with this statement and will attempt to outline some key reasons for this. On the one hand, there are some reasons why parents should take responsibility for their children about their detrimental lifestyle and obesity. Firstly, parents should share time with their sons and daughters, take a number of exercises as well as teach them good habits. In addition, some parents should become a model for children such as give kids awareness of health protection by do more outdoor activities and strictly pay more attention to their children about what children eat and play. Secondly, preparing meals for children at home may bring numerous benefits and avoid obesity. For instance, their offspring do not need to eat canned food and fast food, which cause overweight, when their parents have prepared a meal already. On the other hand, it is also true that not only parents but also schools take responsibility for children’s obesity and harmful lifestyles. The first reason is a large number of parents can not spend too much time with their sons and daughters as well as have enough knowledge about creating a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, schools need to pay attention to children, such as educating them about health and how to maintain physical performance. Moreover, schools should create more opportunities for children to do exercises in order that children may find it is easy to do exercises with their friends at schools to reduce obesity and release stress as well. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I partly agree with the view that only parents take responsibility for their sons and daughters’ obesity and unhealthy lifestyle.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for their offspring’s overweight and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Personally
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and will attempt to outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about their detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and obesity.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should share time with their sons and daughters, take a number of exercises
as well
as teach them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should become a model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as give kids awareness of health protection by do more outdoor activities and
strictly
pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat and play.
Secondly
, preparing meals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home may bring numerous benefits and avoid obesity.
For instance
, their offspring do not need to eat canned food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, which cause overweight, when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have prepared a meal already.

On the other hand
, it is
also
true that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
obesity and harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can not spend too much time with their sons and daughters
as well
as have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about creating a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, such as educating them about health and how to maintain physical performance.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should create more opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do exercises in order that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may find it is easy to do exercises with their friends at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
obesity and release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as well
.

In conclusion
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
mentioned above, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for their sons and daughters’ obesity and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.

IELTS essay that parents should take full responsibility for their children's overweight and unhealthy lifestyle

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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