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Do you agree or disagree that a celebrity should set a good example for young people

that a celebrity should set a good example for young people pbNxy
In today era, digital is controlling the world, what I meant is people who are exposed to material that they see or hear will really affect their day to day basis. Children are the most vulnerable with these things which they will easily influence by the media and their favourite celebrities. Making them as their role model will change the whole habit of a kid. Moreover, in this present day, every information around well known person is written in detail and spread rapidly to the whole world, children can either see it from video or read it in articles, all the things about them will definitely be a good things in children eyes as it is their idol. So this is why they should set good attitudes. For an instance, an army which we called as BTS fan base, seeing their journey, starting from no one to worldwide famous, their hard work and all the time they spend is not an easy journey. In this case, one of my cousin who is an army learn that all the things in this world need a hard work, which means nothing is impossible and instance, it needs process. This make my cousin study more thoroughly, and never easily gave up to things to achieve the things she pursues. This little things had shown us how critical does our role model which we can call celebrities can influence our habit and the way we imitate, consequently its really essential for celebrities to act and give a good example for the young generation.
In
today
era, digital is controlling the world, what I meant is
people
who
are exposed
to material that they
see
or hear will
really
affect their
day to day
basis. Children are the most vulnerable with these things which they will
easily
influence by the media and their
favourite
celebrities. Making them as their role model will
change
the whole habit of a kid.
Moreover
, in this present day, every information around well known person
is written
in detail and spread
rapidly
to the whole world, children can either
see
it from video or read it in articles, all the things about them will definitely be a
good
things in children eyes as it is their idol.
So
this is why they should set
good
attitudes. For an instance, an army which we called as BTS fan base, seeing their journey, starting from no one to worldwide
famous
, their
hard
work and all the time they spend is not an easy journey.
In this case
, one of my cousin who is an army learn that all the things in this world need a
hard
work, which means nothing is impossible and instance, it needs process. This
make
my cousin study more
thoroughly
, and never
easily
gave up to things to achieve the things she pursues. This
little
things had shown us how critical does our role model which we can call celebrities can influence our habit and the way we imitate,
consequently
its
really
essential for celebrities to act and give a
good
example for the young generation.
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IELTS essay that a celebrity should set a good example for young people

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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