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Thai Dance Journey from zero to hero

Thai Dance Journey from zero to hero Ql7M3
In May, I had just started high school in my province. I was initially ecstatic about my new surroundings and new friends. Before the school director came up to congratulate new students on the orientation day, there were many talent shows from different school clubs to encourage new students to join their interested clubs. Many of the shows were excellent in general, but the Thai Dance Club's performance stood out the most. The show not only surprised me because of the actors' bodies, which appeared to be boneless and bendable in every way, but it also inspired me to try Thai dance for the first time in my life.
In May, I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
high school in my province. I was
initially
ecstatic about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
surroundings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the school director came up to congratulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
students on the orientation day, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
school clubs to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their interested clubs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
were excellent
in general
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the Thai Dance Club's performance stood out the most. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
surprised me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the actors' bodies, which appeared to be boneless and bendable in every way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
inspired me to try Thai dance for the
first
time in my life.

IELTS essay Thai Dance Journey from zero to hero

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
109 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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