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material possessions and social status

material possessions and social status w7P0d
A person’s worth nowadays does not mainly seem to be judged according to their social status and material possessions. Values such as honour, kindness and trust are very much still valid and have not become old-fashioned. A kind person, who is not an opportunist and only befriends people, whom he can take advantage of in a certain is way, is less likely to make friends and build healthy relationships. Not only would people not trust him or her, but they themselves would also not be able to do so because the less trustworthy you are, the less people you would allow into your life. A person like that would think everyone’s motives is just like theirs is. However, social status and material possessions are much indeed required to a certain extent. In our world nowadays money and fortune are all signs of success. The more educated the person is, the better the jobs and positions they will find, and the more the income they will receive. So in that case education plays a huge role in determining where a person stands intellectually. If a person is not on the same or even on a close level as you are, it might become very difficult to find common interests. Conversation might become shallow and even the sense of humour might differ. For that reason, even if a person is very kind and trustworthy, it will still not be enough to build any kind of relationship with them. furthermore, a very important point that should be takes into consideration is that there are a lot of people who work very hard and still cannot afford basic living expenses and are not doing well financially. this might be related to their race, sex, gender or age. To conclude, a person’s worth should not mainly be judged according to their social status and material possessions, because first of all, not all of the people working hard are rewarded with fortune and second of all a person can always lose their possessions in a matter of seconds, kindness and trust on the other hand, are never ending.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
worth nowadays does not
mainly
seem to
be judged
according to their social status and material possessions.

Values such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, kindness and trust are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
still
valid and have not become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. A kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, who is not an opportunist and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
befriends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whom he can take advantage of in a certain is way, is less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and build healthy relationships. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not trust him or her,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they themselves would
also
not be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the less trustworthy you are, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
into your life. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
like that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everyone’s motives is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like theirs is.
However
, social status and material possessions are much
indeed
required to a certain extent. In our world nowadays money and fortune are all signs of success. The more educated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is, the better the jobs and positions they will find, and the more the income they will receive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in that case
education plays a huge role in determining where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
stands
intellectually
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is not on the same or even on a close level as you are, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to find common interests. Conversation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become shallow and even the sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
differ. For that reason, even if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kind and trustworthy, it will
still
not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to build any kind of relationship with them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point that should be takes into consideration is that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
still
cannot afford basic living expenses and are not doing well
financially
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be related
to their race, sex, gender or age.

To conclude
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
worth should not
mainly
be judged
according to their social status and material possessions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
are rewarded
with fortune and second of all a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can always lose their possessions in a matter of seconds, kindness and trust
on the other hand
, are never ending.
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IELTS essay material possessions and social status

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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