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Tell us why you want to study international relation and how it will benefit you.

Tell us why you want to study international relation and how it will benefit you. aEjDd
International relations and politics have hooked me since I was a child, listening to my father and grandfather's discussions about the daily news. During my teenage life, I began watching BBC World news, reading international newspapers and listening to DVB debates to acquire wider knowledge about multifaceted relations among regions, constant matters of the world, and internal conflicts. I would like to describe an example that motivated me to gain extreme interest in this field. Back in 2008, a terrible storm, Cyclone Nargis hit the lower Myanmar regions and many innocent people died. International organizations tried to help injured people either by manpower or financially but the military government didn't accept even the planes to land for their own sake and benefit. This made me realized that not having a good political system and international relations was the main root of disaster and corruption in Burma. I knew many of Burmese people are poor and uneducated not because they are inferior or different from any other people in the world just because the political system controlled by dictators for many years has made it. Myanmar was once one of the so-called Asian Tigers but the majority of people are living in poverty now. Burma, being rich in natural resources and agriculture has huge potential to develop economically like developed countries only if the bad political system and international relations can be changed. So, I strongly believe studying politics and international relations will bring me the skills and experience which can make a better movement in the political system in Burma. That's why I decided to study international relations. Hence, I chose Rangsit University because it has a good ranking in Thailand and the courses in international relations provided by this university meet my interests and needs such as diplomacy, politics, laws, economics, human rights and languages. Besides, I can learn about diversities, unique cultures and gain international network as I will be studying with students and professional teachers from different nations. Since my country has been carrying out the reforms, a lot of professionals are in need. So, upon my return to Myanmar, I plan to develop a training organization in my hometown like Burma Human Rights Network and do a lot of researches and article publications to increase public awareness on human rights abuses. I will focus to solve the problems of internet freedom, freedom of speech and violence against civilians. Likewise, I will educate people about legal knowledge to promote understanding of crime prevention, peace and justice which are lacking in Burma. Also, I will be working as a consultant at free education centers and share my knowledge about education and economics to educate younger generations, especially in rural areas. By providing so, I think my project or my organization will be sustainable and promote many people's lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
and politics have hooked me since I was a child, listening to my father and grandfather's discussions about the daily news. During my teenage life, I began watching BBC World news, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
newspapers and listening to DVB debates to acquire wider knowledge about multifaceted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
among regions, constant matters of the world, and internal conflicts.

I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
an example that motivated me to gain extreme interest in this field. Back in 2008, a terrible storm, Cyclone
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nargis
hit the lower Myanmar regions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
organizations tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
either by manpower or
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the military
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
didn't accept even the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
to land for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake and benefit. This made me realized that not having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
was the main root of disaster and corruption in Burma. I knew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of Burmese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are poor and uneducated not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are inferior or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
controlled by dictators for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years has made it.

Myanmar was once one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called Asian Tigers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in poverty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Burma, being rich in natural resources and agriculture has huge potential to develop
economically
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
strongly
believe studying politics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
will bring me the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better movement in the political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in Burma. That's why I decided to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
.
Hence
, I chose
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rangsit
University
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ranking in Thailand and the courses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
provided by this university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
my interests and needs such as diplomacy, politics, laws, economics, human rights and languages.
Besides
, I can learn about diversities, unique cultures and gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
network as I will be studying with students and professional teachers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.

Since my country has been carrying out the reforms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
professionals are in need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, upon my return to Myanmar, I plan to develop a training organization in my hometown like Burma Human Rights Network and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
researches and article publications to increase public awareness on human rights abuses. I will focus to solve the problems of internet freedom, freedom of speech and violence against civilians.
Likewise
, I will educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about legal knowledge to promote understanding of crime prevention, peace and justice which are lacking in Burma.
Also
, I will be working as a consultant at free education centers and share my knowledge about education and economics to educate younger generations,
especially
in rural areas. By providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
my project or my organization will be sustainable and promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Tell us why you want to study international relation and how it will benefit you.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
470 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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