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Some people believe that children should learn how to play a musical instrument at school. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that children should learn how to play a musical instrument at school. m2lyO
In the dynamic era, while handful of masses contemplate that it should be essential to get to know about the skills of numerous musical instruments in the beginning at school for kids. However, I strongly agree with this statement on account of various reasons to elaborated in subsequent paragraphs. To initiate, the predominate reason is that it's an efficient way to discover talented musicians at an early age. Also, it provides children with an equal opportunity to peruse their potential career objectives. Besides this, Music lessons could make education more than students. For instance, Scholars are more indulge in entertainment to show their talent in singing or music fields. Consequent, choosing a music as a study is create good future for learners. On a further note, the another noticeable conspicuous is that future job facilities, which give the early age learners basic to hard skills of an instruments. Owing to, they technically get sharply know about ambient music and have the study of an instrumentalist. Therefore in future, they never feel occurrence in getting jobs in music line or in collages as a music instructor. For typifying, Recent survey shows that 90% students choose the guitar player field to be play it as a rockstar in their future. While, some are choose singing subjects to be a prodigy singer. Overall, Students are keen on the musical instrumentalist to want to fulfill their dream of talent. To conclude, different people have different notions regarding the stated context. Yet, I accord with this connotation as I have sound reasons to advocate that It is better to choose basic education curriculums, but somewhere It is also beneficial for students to get the knowledge of basic music so than they can show their inner talent.
In the dynamic era, while handful of masses
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "contemplates"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'contemplate' is not always incorrect.)
contemplate
that it should be essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of numerous musical instruments in the beginning at school for kids.
However
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement on account of various reasons to elaborated in subsequent paragraphs.

To initiate, the predominate reason is that it's an efficient way to discover talented musicians at an early age.
Also
, it provides children with an equal opportunity to peruse their potential career objectives.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
lessons could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
education more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, Scholars are more indulge in entertainment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talent in singing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fields. Consequent, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a study is
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for learners.

On a
further
note, the another noticeable conspicuous is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
job facilities, which give the early age learners basic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an instrument" or simply "instruments"?
an instruments
. Owing to, they
technically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sharply
know about ambient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and have the study of an instrumentalist.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, they never feel occurrence in getting jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
line or in collages as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instructor. For typifying, Recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 90%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose the guitar player field to be play it as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
rockstar
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "ares"?
are
choose singing subjects to be a prodigy singer.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are keen on the musical instrumentalist to want to fulfill their dream of talent.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
notions regarding the stated context.
Yet
, I accord with this connotation as I have sound reasons to advocate that It is better to choose basic education curriculums,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
somewhere It is
also
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge of basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
than they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their inner talent.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should learn how to play a musical instrument at school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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