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Television is dangerous because it destroys the family tie and community spirit. It is said by some that television absorbs so much of people’s time that they have no time to talk to each other. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

Television is dangerous because it destroys the family tie and community spirit. It is said by some that television absorbs so much of people’s time that they have no time to talk to each other. Give your opinion. DlqL6
Nowadays, a huge number of people watch television during their spare time. In some houses TVs have became the devises that attract everyone’s attention and are rarely switched off. Although it is incorrect to dispute the advantages of television, I myself do agree with people who say that it has more disadvantages. First of all, people really spend much less time for communication. Some families rest, eat, sleep with working TV’s and it has become a norm for a lot of people. I have witnessed the similar situation when I have visited my relatives. After a difficult working day they didn’t speak to each other, moreover, they wordless stared into the screen during their dinner. This is really a dangerous situation as these people live in the same building and can be considered as family, however they don’t know each other anymore, and even worst, they don’t spend time on their kids. Secondly, television has become an instrument which has a tremendous influence on a huge mass of people. Governments, politicians, trade marks successfully use the opportunity to attract our attention, to give us some information, which often is very controversial, advertise different products, etc. In conclusion I would like to emphasis that we need to reduce the time we spend on watching television. Instead of that, it’s much beneficial to become closer to our kids and other family members, to find some new hobbies, read books, catch up with friends and watch films online via internet.
Nowadays, a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
during their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
TVs have
Use past participle here: "become".
became
the devises that attract everyone’s attention and are rarely switched off. Although it is incorrect to dispute the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, I myself do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who say that it has more disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
spend much less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for communication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
families rest, eat, sleep with working TV’s and it has become a norm for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I have witnessed the similar situation when I have visited my relatives. After a difficult working day they didn’t speak to each other,
moreover
, they wordless stared into the screen during their dinner. This is
really
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same building and can
be considered
as family,
however
they don’t know each other anymore, and even worst, they don’t spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their kids.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has become an instrument which has a tremendous influence on a huge mass of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
, politicians, trade marks
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the opportunity to attract our attention, to give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial, advertise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products, etc.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
would like
Did you mean "to emphasize" (American English) or "to emphasise" (British English)?
to emphasis
that we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we spend on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Instead
of that, it’s much beneficial to become closer to our kids and other family members, to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new hobbies, read books, catch up with friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films online via internet.
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IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys the family tie and community spirit. It is said by some that television absorbs so much of people’s time that they have no time to talk to each other. Give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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