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In many countries the proportion of elderly people is increasing. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries the proportion of elderly people is increasing. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? Jo35a
The ageing population saw an increase in many countries. I believe that drawbacks of this phenomena outweigh benefits. One of the main benefits of elderly population increasing is child care. For example, most of parents have a busy career nowadays. They are less likely to take care of children on their own. Instead, their retired relatives take over the responsibility. Another advantages is that we can gain many knowledge and experiences from senior people. Moreover, elderly people often accumulate many experiences from their daily life. If they can share their ideas or opinion, it will definitely benefits to our society. However, there are also disadvantages of ageing population is the burden on healthcare system. When people aging, they need more healthcare resources such as long-term medication and surgery expenses. Furthermore, they may potentially consume all of their pension to cover medical or living expenses. As a result, they need to rely much on social welfare system. Another drawback is that increasing elderly group could cause labor shortage in the country. For instances, elders are more likely to have physical limitation compare to younger adult. Hence, they are unlikely to be a workforce and contribute to economy. Overall, it seems to me that disadvantages of increasing elderly people outweigh advantages.
The
ageing
population
saw
an increase in
many
countries. I believe that drawbacks of
this
phenomena outweigh benefits.

One of the main benefits of
elderly
population increasing is child care.
For example
,
most of parents
have a busy career nowadays. They are less likely to take care of children on their
own
.
Instead
, their retired relatives take over the responsibility. Another advantages
is
that we can gain
many
knowledge and experiences from senior
people
.
Moreover
,
elderly
people
often
accumulate
many
experiences from their daily life. If they can share their
ideas
or opinion, it will definitely
benefits
to our society.

However
, there are
also
disadvantages of
ageing
population is the burden on healthcare system. When
people
aging, they need more healthcare resources such as long-term medication and surgery expenses.
Furthermore
, they may
potentially
consume all of their pension to cover medical or living expenses.
As a result
, they need to rely much on social welfare system. Another drawback is that increasing
elderly
group could cause labor shortage in the country. For instances, elders are more likely to have physical limitation compare to younger adult.
Hence
, they are unlikely to be a workforce and contribute to economy.

Overall
, it seems to me that disadvantages of increasing
elderly
people
outweigh advantages.
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IELTS essay In many countries the proportion of elderly people is increasing. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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