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Should we spend our time leisure time with family or on job

Should we spend our time leisure time with family or on job GM35o
In today’s helter-skelter world every individual is seeking for leisure time in their lives. While it is possible to claim that we should spend our leisure time on job, however my aspect is that spending leisure time with family will produce happiness in life. In this essay, I will elucidate my point of view by analysing both sides of this argument. There are multifarious reasons behind my perspective. The most perpondant one is that spending leisure time with family will gives opportunity to share experinces and increase bonding between family members. As an illustration sharing daily experince with family member will create social bonding and enhance there knowledge. Therefore it can be rightly claimed that giving leisure time to famliy will lead to stress free life. On the contrary there are a handful of people who belive that contributing leisure time on job is more valuable due to various reasons. First of all that leisure time on job can be use for making extra money. For instance persone work for overtime will have better spend power in comparision with someone. Hence it can be aggreed that giving leisure time on job can also bring better life. To recapitulate, it can inferred that merits of spending leisure time with family is outwieghs the benefit of spending leisure time on job in long run.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
helter-skelter
world every individual is seeking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While it is possible to claim that we should spend our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
however
my aspect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will produce happiness in life. In this essay, I will elucidate my point of view by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both sides of this argument.

There are multifarious reasons behind my perspective. The most
Possible spelling mistake found.
perpondant
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "give"
gives
opportunity to share
Possible spelling mistake found.
experinces
and increase bonding between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. As an illustration sharing daily
Possible spelling mistake found.
experince
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member will create social bonding and enhance there knowledge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it can be
rightly
claimed that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
famliy
will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free life.

On the contrary
there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that contributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more valuable due to various reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for making extra money.
For instance
Possible spelling mistake found.
persone
work for overtime will have better spend power in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
with someone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
aggreed
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
also
bring better life.

To recapitulate, it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "infer"
inferred
that merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
outwieghs
the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in long run.
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IELTS essay Should we spend our time leisure time with family or on job

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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